So

So, a week ago I was madly packing, trying to stay awake to finish and eventually having my husband say it was bedtime. The next day, Friday,  I awoke at 7amish I didn't go back to 'bed' until 11:30 pm the next day. Now, I did have 2 or 3 1-hr naps in there somewhere, but my husband and I drove and gassed up etc 8:30pm pst Friday to 3:30am Monday est with only one big stop. It was stressful, from packing up the moving truck to dealing with 2 cats who were less than pleased to find themselves not only stuck in a giant box, but also less than pleased to be let out on leashes along the way. The trip itself was awesome with my husband. Everything surrounding it, from my MIL being a snarky bitch to arriving and dealing with squeezing as little of our lives into our host's generous home and mostly into storage, to time differences and new years eves parties that involved too much drinking to cover social awkwardness, I feel a giant stress ball.
I'm only barely acknowledging that I've made I giant leap into a different life.   I'm not homesick yet. Not for the godson who sends me voice-mails, not for the crazy I was extricating myself from. I miss my parents in random ways. I wish I could show them the different things here, keep having moments of thinking showing them can be next week, and then remembering that they are far far away.

I haven't abandoned exercising, but I'm not where I used to be. I live now in a house with 2 flights of stairs I traverse regularly each day. There is a home gym in the basement my husband and I intend to take advantage of, and the 'block' is hilly and good for our evening walks. I've been trying to do my squats challenge.
The house is going on the 'Whole30' diet that we all intend to be a good cleanse to our systems.

So what do I mean  by all the babbling?
Stress still rules but the other end of the tunnel is in sight. My posts will not be regular, still.
My role is different here and I'm adjusting.

Ok all. Keep faith in yourselves.

Where I check in

Hi.
I haven't been here for awhile, you may have noticed.
You see, I was ashamed. I have once again gained back everything I lost and then some. I'm angry at myself, at all the reasons that have contributed to it.
The stress of the wedding. The planning, the aftermath in which we had a second reception closer to home. The fact that I knew it would be stressful to live full-time with my MIL, but I have been drowning in it.
I know that alot of women complain about their MILs, but I now see why my husband reacts to her like he does. She responds to alot of situations with the maturity of a teenager, most likely due to the fact that not only was she playing with drugs in the 60s, she did it all over again in the 90s to deal with menopause. She will stay home for any reason instead of going to/back to work, and while really it's her business, it's hard for me because she doesn't like not having my full attention. It's exhausting to need to pay attention, talk, placate, etc for hours on end. I feel like I'm not even explaining it properly. All I know is being in this house feels poisonous. Recently, she has been waging a silent passive-aggressive war on me. She's mad we're moving far away in a month. She's angry I'm taking away the one son who doesn't blow her off. She's mad she's losing her captive audience.
Currently, I'm a home maker. I cook and clean. But I loathe being treated like I'm now responsible for the entire house. She doesn't cook, she doesn't do dishes when I cook, she leaves messes and expects me to clean them up. She lets her grandchildren make huge messes and doesn't have them pick up after themselves, nor do it herself. She doesn't take out the trash, just fusses that it's there. She doesn't keep food in the house, but will binge on our carefully budgeted food [his lunches], 'replace' it and binge on it but refuses to buy enough food to last 2ish weeks so when she comes home and asks me what's for dinner, I can make something.
Are these petty grievances? Because I don't think so. I married my husband, and we agreed to take care of each other. I didn't marry her, and I certainly didn't agree to become her live-in maid and chef.
So all that is rolling around, boiling inside. The only time it gets any kind of out is when my husband and I go on our evening walks and I shout it to the skies.
Now I know that it is ultimately my choice, but she has been the main reason I started drinking. It is a stupid response to stress, I know it. I can know it all I want, but the one drink to relax kept turning into 3 or 4 because I didn't realize that her plus my bipolar depression is a crappy way to be.
I stopped exercising. Between her flaking out and my own random goings on, we stopped going to the gym together, and I've yet to come to a balance between gym and home workouts. Right now I'm trying to do a squat challenge I found on Tumblr.

I'm not sedentary, as I said my husband and I go on walks, and there's always cleaning to do which keeps me up and at em.
But I know it's not enough. And because I know it's not, I feel shitty about myself because I make plans to exercise, and then don' do them. I either end up distracting myself with cleaning, or the MIL comes home for lunch and drains me emotionally, sometimes taking an emotional shit on me before she goes back to work, and I spend every minute of her lunch dreading her deciding not to go back.
I'm trying to fight my way out of the hole, I'm trying not to give up entirely on my health, because I know I deserve the respect to my body. right now it's walking up quicksand, but I know soon there will be something solid to stand on.
I don't know how often I will be back, but it will most likely not be happy entries until the end of the year.
Bright Blessings

Wave Hello

So I'm not going to do WWI until the end of the month. Between stress, constant travel, and my weekends being vastly different because of camping and food, my Weight has been bouncin around in a 7-lb space for the past month. It will be horrible until the end of the week, when it will get back to normal, then suck all over again. I'm however a little paicked my wedding dress will be a tad snug in 3 days.
Wow 3 days? I'm already disappointed I will be that sausage in white....
anywhos, I'll try to update a little more ofter

WednesdayWeigh In is Back

and I forgot to post yesterday, so here it is a little late.

Today's Weight: 208.7
Difference: +0.2
Total Difference:  -2.5
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Starting all over again sucks.
I still believe I chose the wrong month to step away from the scale,even if it was good to do so in general.  I'm also somewhat in shock that fast food can really make that much of a difference. I think I'm glad I like to cook. I'm starting to wonder if I should try making most of my carbs  come from veggies. I've been reading how this is a recommended thing for those with period issues.
Anywho, next week is the final 2 weeks of the Body Revolution. I feel fttter than when I began, even if I haven't lost gangs of weight and gained some back. There are some moves that are so much easier for me to complete than at the beginning.
I so want to do this all over again.

Well this weekend is certainly about picking yourself up when you fall down [hard off the wagon] and just keep going. Drinking heavily is, as we know, not conducive to weight loss and overall health. I have a tendency to kinda just keep going when I imbibe, which is why for about a month I've been having the dear fiancee pour for me - and cut me off. I haven't been drinking or thinking too much about it since I asked him to do this for me. However, Friday night was a bit of an exception.
My fiancee is one of the many that needed to move back in with his mother because of living costs v employment rate and pay in our part of the US. This has led, naturally, to many awkward and frustrating times. This past Friday night was intended to be a bit of alone time for the two of us, something we do't get much of. And while sometimes our alone time consists of nothing more than talking without interference, this night was definitely going to be a night of private time. This was not to be, as the minute he got out of the shower his mother came home early, and she began to say something as he hurried to his bedroom and he responded he needed to get changed and would be out in a minute. We were both frustrated, and decided it wasn't completely lost.  When it turned out his mother was not trying to talk to us through the door, but in fact talking to his younger brother and wife, I was a little more than mortified. I was also stuck in the bedroom, since my clothes were still with the rest of my things.  The fiancee obliged me by fetching my overnight bag, but I could feel my face burning as I left the room to go be sociable. I do not blush often, but I knew I was now. To give myself a moment to compose myself, I headed into the kitchen to make myself a drink.
For me, it seems, I should not drink on  an empty stomach, because I will joyfully feed myself on alcohol rather than food. And I did just that until his mother asked me an hour and a half later what we had decided to do for dinner. She informed me there was nothing to cook in the kitchen, which was not a surprise as she buys each meal makings individually. She opted for pizza for the 6 of us, which I ate more of what was delivered then was healthy.
The next day I paid for it, with a sensitive stomach and frequent trips to the bathroom to contemplate my naval.
This was coupled with the fact that plans changed for our weekend enough to mess with my schedule of getting in exercise, and made me feel as though I had failed. But it is Monday, and time to keep pressing forward.