Long time, No Post

I thought I had posted more recently than I had, but it seems I haven't. I thought I'd share with you today something from an awesome blog I follow, and some of my thoughts on it.
I wrote this after losing almost 100 pounds. I couldn't believe the physical changes in my body and health!  Aside from the scale, I observed the following:

1. I used to have to hold my breath to bend over and tie my shoes. I even avoided shoes that had to be tied, for this reason. Now, I don't even think twice about bending over, and it certainly doesn't make me lose my breath. I can't remember ever having this problem. I have had the roblem of not being able to have my leg directly in front for my to tie it because thigh and stomach were too big, but breathing? not the problem.
2. I used to sit down very slowly into a chair, for fear of breaking it. I exceeded the weight limit of most lawn chairs. I used to have a nice leather couch, and one day when I sat down too hard, I heard the wood break.  Now, I know that if I break a chair, it wasn't MY fault--it was a faulty chair! Well, I do it out of principal. I've seen someone skinnier than I break furniture by direct-butt-plopping them repeatedly.
3. I used to feel very shameful buying candy or junk food because of what people would think. Now, I feel just as entitled as everyone else to buy junk, and I don't feel like people are staring at me thinking how fat I am. Yeah, when I want to have some dark chocolate, I feel guilty.
4. I used to have a large open gap in my bath towel when I wrapped it around me--it just wouldn't go all the way around. Now, I can wrap it around me and overlap it with comfort. Not since before puberty has that been any other way  for me, so I didn't know it happened for adults. I always assumed there were different sizes of towels and we didn't get full bath size.
5. Sex is TOTALLY different... in a good way! When I dropped 50, sex was not different. It was just as vigorous and bendy as before.
6. I never used to be able to curl my legs up underneath me, or sit Indian-style or cross-legged. Now, I can do all of that with ease. I even sat Indian-style on my chair at the movie theater! I can't fold up in chair like you see the  cute girls in movies doing as they're being pensive about something, but I never lost my ability to cross my legs.
7. It took me a while to figure out why I had bruises just inside of each of my knees... I discovered it was because my knees can actually TOUCH each other now! When I sleep on my side, the bones press together and that's how I got the bruises. My knees touch, perhaps my ankles will bruise when I've lost more weight?
8. I used to have to take breaks while blow-drying my hair, because my arms got sore from holding them up for more than a minute or two at a time. Now, I can blow-dry my whole head and never feel achy. I rarely blow dry my hair, for 2 reasons, my hair is over 2 feet long and thick, so ys my arms get tired because it takes longer than most people, and 2, I don't feel the need to damage my hair like that.
9. I can paint my toenails now! I used to not be able to bend over long enough to paint them. Always been able to paint my toenails [just dont because the paint refuses to come off and then the nail discolors from not getting light]
10. I can take off my wedding rings now! They were stuck on my finger for more than 5 years. My rings have never been stuck o my fingers longer than a couple of days due to swelling.
11. When I go shopping, I don't automatically look for the largest size clothes and see if there is something I like. I look for clothes I LIKE first, then I look to see if it's in my size. When puberty hit my physiology changed and I gained weight like mad. Before I became very overweight, my breasts came in, and large. I've always needed to have the xl.
12. I don't feel horrified when I see pictures of myself. In the past, I HATED getting my picture taken, and now I kind of like it. I mostly hate taking pictures because the way I feel and the way I look are so incredibly different. It horrifies me to look at what others see and know its not what i feel or how I want to look. I want my looks to reflect how I feel inside.
13. I used to snore and have sleep apnea, and now I sleep quietly and soundly :) I only snore when I'm overtired. I'm not sure if you can have apnea if you sleep on your stomach.
14. When I went to the doctor, they used to have to get out a larger-size blood pressure cuff to fit around my arm. Now, I can use the regular cuff just fine. I don't believe they've ever needed a different cuff size for me.
15. I used to be hot all the time... even when everyone else was freezing. Now, I'm always cold. I know I used to get warm more quickly than others, but when I started working out that kind of went away.
    
16. In group photos, I always used to stand in the back, trying to hide behind everyone. Now, I enjoy being in front. Somewhat because I'm overweight, somewhat because I'm not big on being center of attention.
17. I received a gift certificate for a massage two Christmases ago. I waited almost until it expired t use it, because I was embarrassed. Finally, I went to use it, and the spa robe wouldn't fit around me. I was horrified. Now, I KNOW I could fit into the robe.I've never let my weight stop me from getting  a massage.  The robe thing might've been a problem, but I also wouldn't have been troubled if the walk wasn't far to the massage
18. When I go for walks, I love to see my shadow now--I can actually see nice curves in the right places. I've always like looking at my shadow, and shadows in general. I'm sure seeing a curvy  body will make me happy when it happens.
19. I used to avoid hugging people because I didn't want them to feel my fat. Now, I enjoy hugging people. Actually I just disliked hugging. I got over it because I was being introduced to too many people who couldnt comprehend the idea of not liking hugs and would hug me all the time.
20.  I used to get winded just walking around my house. Now, I run three times a week, anywhere from 2-5 miles. My house is one story and not large. I've never had this problem. My friends house has 2 flights that I frequently went up and down, that winded me, because they're the only stairs I deal with anymore [and at the time I hadn't been exercising for a few months]
21. I once drank corn syrup right out of the bottle because I had such a strong sweet craving and we didn't have anything sweet in the house. Now, I can eat just about anything without added sugar (or sweetener).  My sweet tooth is very sensitive now :) I think I did that once with baker's chocolate.  I then found out it isnt sweet. I don't go for sweets like I used to
22. I used to sweat just SITTING, and it was horribly embarrassing. Now, I love that I get super sweaty on my runs (and that I don't sweat unless I'm exercising). the only time this has been relevant to me as an overweight person is during the summer, especially if I'm indoors with no air moving.
23. When I hold up a pair of jeans, I think, "There is NO WAY I can fit into those! They're so small!" But then I try them on, and they FIT. When I reached size 16 last year, I felt this way somewhat. Nowadays I have the opposite problem, I look at pants and think I can fit in them, and it turns out they're a size or 2 too small. I'm really hoping that at some point, 16s will once again start being too big.
24. When my older son Noah was learning to ride a two-wheeler, I sat in a lawn chair and my sister ran along side the bike, because I couldn't do that. When it was my younger son Eli's turn to learn, I ran up and down the street with his bike over and over again. It was ME that taught him! One faire season, the child I babysit was watched mostly from a chair, I couldn't keep up with her. A year later, I could keep up with her much more easily.
25. I asked the man working at a liquor store if he sold any other beer that was under 70 calories per bottle. He looked at me and said, "You don't need to worry about calories!"  This meant a lot to me because he didn't KNOW about my weight loss. He only talked to me for a moment and assumed I was a thin person.
26. I used to worry about sharing a hotel room with other people, because I snored so loudly. Now, I don't snore at all and I'm more than happy to share a room. Because Im large and need lots of room in a bed.
27. I never thought that FEET could be fat, but they, too, went down a whole size. My feet achieved their largest size before I put on any significant weight in my early teens, but after losing 50 lbs they went down a whole size. Curious.
28. Some girls have told me to stop losing, because I'll be TOO skinny... you know that means they only view me as competition! ;)
29. I've developed a whole new set of taste buds... I used to hate fish, and now it's part of my regular menu. I think certain foods are "too sweet" now. I love garbanzo beans! And OATMEAL. My goodness, I could eat oats for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Having to go on the cholesterol diet a few years ago really forced me to learn how to eat differently, learn to season without fattening. I grew up with half the things the diet required so it was never a huge  transition, but I learned how much more satisfying it was.
30. I used to head straight for the Women's section of department stores. Now, I can shop Misses or even Juniors. Yep, and try to find clothes appropriate to my age range since most of it seems to be geared towards women about 10-15 years older than I.
31. I used to wake up feeling sore and achy. Now, I feel refreshed when I wake up. Only when I've been working out very hard.
32. I used to plan my day around binges--thinking about what I would binge on later. Now, I plan my days around my runs--I make sure to get in 3 runs a week, whenever I can. Can't say that I have, more like hoping I can resist something I want to eat, and end up eating lots, over the whole day.
33. I used to get embarrassed and try to hide when I would see an old friend while out and about. Now, I stop to chat with them. Sometimes. I've been overweight since middle school so I'm more embarrassed that I haven't lost the weight as a 'grown-up' more than anything else. Especially since MY sister had lost the weight by now when she was my age. [sibling competition? you bet your ass!]
34. I never used to eat breakfast. Now, breakfast is my FAVORITE meal of the day (oatmeal!) This was true before I decided to fix my crappy sleep habits. I started getting up at a regular time, going to bed at a regular time, eating breakfast and taking vitamins. All those benefits people told me I would have from doing that? never happened.
35. When walking the half-marathon at my heaviest, I thought that everyone would look at me and say to him/herself, "Well, if SHE can do it, I certainly can!"  At the 2010 half-marathon, I was passing up people that were MUCH thinner than me. I really want to walk a half marathon.
36. I used to worry that I was an embarrassment to my family, because they are all thin. Now, I fit right in for the family pictures and I look like I belong. Yes and no. 8 years ago my sister who was heavy like me started losing weight and 3 years later looked good, and now looks fabulous [being near naked to get in my wedding gown while next to her a mirror was depressing as all hell] while I've been struggling for about 4 years, with serious effort for 2 1/2.  My mom got gastric bypass 2 years ago and consequently dropped alot of weight and looked wonderful, and my dads weight yo-yos, but my extended family on my mom's side have always had good health so I always feel an embarrassment to them.
37. I used to avoid social situations because of how fat I was and how embarrassing it was for people to see me like that. Now, I love to wear a cute outfit and spend time with friends.
38. I used to think my husband was a liar when he told me I was pretty. Now, I believe him. I want to believe him so badly.
39. I'm not embarrassed to talk about how much I love certain foods anymore, even if it's a junk food. As a fat person, I thought it would be humiliating to say "I love cookies!"  Now, I feel like it's okay to say that I love chocolate so much I would marry it if I could.
40. When I was fat, Iused to wonder if every ache or pain in my chest was a heart attack. Now, I know that the odds are very unlikely that I'd be having a heart attack. My cardiologist says my heart is great, but my tachycardia scared the shit out of my and the arm pains have never been explained, but I'm going to keep exercising and trying to loose weight.
41. My husband and I can lie next to each other on the couch now. I cant wait for that day, but I also want a deep counch where we could nap, with an animal cuddled up too [or kid]
42. When my husband and I take a shower together now, we can trade places without bumping up against the walls of the shower. We don't really shower together, so I can't comment
43. My underwear doesn't look like a slipcover for an over-sized arm chair anymore. I can buy cute undies! I acutally decided to start wearing the granny panties to support the apron and pull it in and hope for cute undies when I'm skinnier. when you can see 'cute' undies cutting your fat through loose jeans, it's just wrong.
44. I used to shower 2 or more times a day in the summer because I was worried that the sweating would make me smell bad. Just one shower is definitely enough now :) I shower more now than when I was heavier. On the whole, I believe Americans shower too much. I shower twice a week, because any more and my hair dries out, and any less and my hair turns to strings. It's less noticeable when I don't exercise 5 days a week. Oh, and I feel decadent and wasteful showering twice a week and try not to be wasteful.
45. I used to feel invisible when at a store--nobody would really pay any attention to me. Now, as shallow as it is to say it's because of my weight, people look and smile and offer to help me. I really don't care if that changes, most salespeople make me feel like I'm being assaulted.
46. If I'm cold at a friend's house, I can ask to borrow a sweatshirt. In the past, I used to pretend I was comfortable just because I knew her shirt would never fit me. Didn't really have this problem, I usually asked for a blanket of grabbed a jacket from my car.
47. I don't have to take pictures at certain angles to get rid of my double chin... I simply don't have a double chin now! It's more of a jowl, and its a family trait. it will get smaller, but it will always be there and unflattering.
48. I feel worthy of saying, "I'm hungry" or "I'm starved!"  When I was fat, it would have been almost like a joke to admit to being hungry at 253 pounds.
49. My husband can wrap his arms around me far enough to touch his elbows. the fiancee is tall and has always been able to touch elbows.
50. I never used to drink water. Now, I drink an entire quart first thing in the morning, and I get an additional quart or two throughout the day. before 2 1/2 yrs ago, I disdained water. couldn't stand it. then I started drinking tea by the gallon [brewed tea] because I had read about the benefits of green tea in weight loss and I had always been partial to tea. Since I was drinking far less diet soda, tea and water started tasting really great. Sadly, I still have phases of way too much soda. Sometimes I really just want the bubbles.
51. I've set goals that I never would have thought possible when I was 253 pounds... like run a 5k, 10k, 15k, even a half-marathon. I truly believe that I can do those now. I have some new fitness goals. I'm excited about them. more on them later
    
52. I've come to terms with the fact that I CAN'T "be like everyone else" when it comes to eating and drinking what I want, when I want. I'll have to do my own thing for the rest of my life, but I'm actually okay with that.
53. I've really started to recognize signs of physical hunger (the not-so-obvious-as-my-tummy-growling kind of signs)--headache, empty feeling, crabbiness, weakness.  I've learned that my stomach doesn't growl until long after I first get hungry.
54. I truly ENJOY eating the foods I eat. I don't eat anything I don't like. In fact, I haven't eaten a single salad throughout my entire 99+ pound weight loss! And! I will try things I havent tried before [like kale, hear I should try it] to see if I can add it to the things I like to eat that are great for me
55.  I can fit my whole self into ONE LEG of jeans I wore just 10 months ago. I don't know that I will ever be that skinny, I have no intention of being on the lower end of acceptable weight for my height [because my frame counts too, and I shouldn't be that skinny]
    
56. The closer you get to your goal weight, the faster the clothes sizes drop. Look forward to that
57. I've actually been hit on by men since losing the weight. That never happened when I was fat. I get hit on by fat lovers and fat fetishists all the time, usually older men, and it creeps me out.
58. Knitting is one of my passions, but I never wanted to make garments that I would wear--it takes a heck of a lot of yarn and a lot more time. Now that I can knit a size small or medium, knitting sweaters is definitely an option for me! And I did--I've made two sweaters so far.Knitting, crocheting, and sewing.
59. Numerous people have told me that I inspire them. That just blows my mind! I've never been "the success story" before.  If I only inspire my beloved, that's ok with me.
60. I used to have horrible insomnia, and I would toss and turn all night long. Now, I sleep soundly (provided my kids actually let me!) Only when I'm stressed or it's the summer time. Ive had heat exhaustion a couple of times and it really messes with your tolerance for heat.
61. I've saved a LOT of money from eating at home. We used to eat out and order in very often, but now we never do. I truly enjoy home cooked food much more than restaurant food, and it's so much healthier. I do love to cook, and teaching my fiancee to cook. Not all the recipees are healthier though ;)
62. When I went to see the gynecologist for my annual pap smear, I asked her about a lump I felt just under my breast. She informed that it was my rib! lol Maybe one year I wont feel embarrassed to have someone poking around down there because of my thick thighs my stomach lopping over, and hoping that it isnt somehow smelly down there. I would love to think I had a lump in my boob that's really just a rib.
63. I can see my knee bones now. Before, it was just a big round joint, and now it's angular.
64. I can see the bones in my hands and feet, too. Somewhat in my feet.
65. I actually FEEL feminine now. When I was 253 pounds, I felt like a sexless blob. I try not to think about it too much, because I start myself in a horrible spiral of depression trying to understand how my fiancee thinks I'm attractive and not repulsive.
66. Feeling feminine gives me the desire to style my hair, wear make-up, and wear cute clothes. I try to dress up and what not to not give up on my self completely.
67. Hell, I even wear cute pajamas now! No more of my husband's t-shirts. I like wearing my fiancees shirts to sleep in. I'm sure I'd get a kick out of wearing cute pjs too.
68. I make everything accommodate MY lifestyle now--if I'm going to a party and I don't think the food fits in with my plan, I simply don't eat it (I eat in advance). I don't let anyone make me feel guilty for doing what's best for ME.
69. My blood pressure is now 90/60!  I've never had HIGH blood pressure, but it was about 120/80. I really hope regular exercise will bring this down.
70. My resting heart rate is 50... it used to be 75. this too. Im hyper aware of my pulse rate
71. I can wear cheap jewelry now--the cute necklaces, rings, and bracelets actually fit.
72. My hands used to go completely numb sometimes, especially when I was sleeping. That hasn't happened at all since I've lost the weight. It's happening now only because of soft tissue damage in my shoulders. Be warned, never overdo it at the gym!
    
73. I don't feel self-conscious about what is in my grocery cart anymore... because 95% of what I buy is healthy food!
74. I feel really good about cooking dinner for my kids, because I know they are eating healthy. I make one meal for the whole family, I don't do a "diet" meal for myself and a "regular" meal for my family. The fiancee has been more than happy to switch to my diet.
75. I enjoy food even MORE now--sweet foods taste sweeter, spicy foods taste spicier, creamy foods taste creamier, etc. It's like I have brand new taste buds that are super sensitive (in a good way!)
76. I used to get excited to go to events like weddings and parties because of the food. Now, I rarely even eat at the events, and instead I enjoy spending time with people.
77. I rarely get cravings for any particular food anymore. And if I do, it's for something completely random (like an english muffin, or a really crisp apple, or oatmeal). I get cravings for very random, specific food pairings, some unhealthy, some healthy.
78. I used to worry about getting sweat spots under my arms, and I would have to choose a shirt that wouldn't show the spots. Now, I only sweat while exercising. Ive never had a problem with sweating
79. I used to not be able to fit into certain chairs, or it was a very tight squeeze (chairs with arms). Now, I usually have room on either side of me to spare.
80. I used to love wearing oversized clothes in order to hide my body. Now, I only wear fitted clothes and I get rid of all clothes that are even a little bit big. I wear some over sized, some fitted, but none tight, because they ride up and make me look like I dont know how to dress myself, and I know people in my life who do that. Momma taught me right.
81. I choose what to eat based on whether it's really worth the calories. At the beginning of my journey, eating a 100 calorie pack of cookies was no big deal, because I could eat a lot more calories. Now that I can eat a much smaller amount of calories, the 100 cal pack of cookies is a HORRIBLE deal. I would never waste 100 calories on something so small and not-tasty!
82. I successfully gave up white flour for Lent. If you had told me just a year ago that I would do that, I would have laughed in your face. I enjoy whole grains a lot now!
83. Once in a while, I have a dream that I binge like I used to, and it makes me feel horrible. When I wake up, I'm SO RELIEVED that it was just a dream!
84. When I buy clothes, I can only plan on wearing it a couple of times before it's too big... so I shop at thrift stores and look for clearance items. I live in a mostly Latino town, most of my thrift shops are filled with clothes too tiny for me because the girls started families and around here [no offense intended] it's not a priority to loose weight after having babies. The department stores aimed at the anglo crowd are aimed at the upper middle class that live in the foot hills that are perpetually skinny and so the stores don't carry plus sizes. [no joke, the target near me no longer has a plus size section, just a maternity section]
85. My bowels are very "regular" now... and that's all I'm going to say about that ;) Still have issues with that sadly
    
86. I've lost 4 inches in my neck... my NECK! Strangely, my neck has never gained weight.
87. My BMI category went from "morbidly obese" to "obese" to "overweight"... and now less than 10 pounds from being "normal".  Even when I had lost 50 lbs, I was still morbidly obese. I was so waiting for the day when I was only obese.
88. My thighs used to get chaffed from rubbing together. Now, they barely brush together when I walk. My thighs only chafe if I don't wear pants or shorts. I have a habit of wearing shorts under skirts, especially since it now helps prevent chaffing [as a kid it allowed me to play on the playground on chapel days]. The flipside is I tend to destroy pants by rubbing through thigh area.
89. I used to be too self-conscious to wear shorts. I would suffer all summer long in jeans. As soon as the temp went up this year, I bought about 10 pairs of shorts. My calves got a lot slimmer but they still look so damn awkward in shorts.
90. I went from a 24W down to a size 8 in just 10 months. in 10 months I went from a 20/22W to a 16R/18W. Currently, I am 18/20W. When I gained back, a good deal of it went to my stmach and hips.
91. I used to look at old pictures of me when I was thinner, and wish to look like that again. Or anywhere even close to that! However, now I am THINNER than I was in those pictures! It's a very strange feeling. Even some pictures where I'm still overweight, but not nearly as bad, make me wish to be 'that thin' again.
92. I walked a half marathon at 253 pounds, and one year later, at 165 pounds. It was a MILLION times easier and SO MUCH MORE FUN the latter time.
93. My alcohol tolerance is much lower, now. I used to be able to drink a 6-pack of beer and not feel a thing. Now, my limit is 1-2 drinks before I start to feel like it's too much.
94. You know how when you get to a certain age, and someone asks how old you are, you have to stop and think for a minute? Well, I do the same thing with my weight. A lot of times, I still start off by saying, "Two--I mean, ONE hundred fifty-three pounds". It's going to take a while to get used to it.
95. I actually enjoy drinking my coffee black and unsweetened now.  I used to put about 1/4 cup of creamer in ONE cup of coffee! And not to even mention the amount of sugar...  Because of the tachycardia, I dont drink coffee anymore. I really feel it was a trigger. and strangely, I binge on it. I don't need sugar in it, but I do need milk or creamer.
96. My treadmill is no longer a dust collector. I actually use it when I can't get outside to run. I would love to have a treadmill or elliptical machine. Especially since my dog is dumb and walking/sprinting with her is difficult and not nearly as productive as I'd like.
97. I used to "hoard" my WW points/calories for late in the day. I was always worried that if I use them now, I'll be STARVING later. Now, however, I use them when I'm hungry and in turn, I'm rarely hungry later in the day after using my calories. Also, I always used to think I had to save my "dessert" for a bedtime snack. Now, I eat my daily dessert whenever I feel like having something sweet! I try to have bigger breakfasts and then eat accordingly the rest of the day. I had started eating too little because I was so worried about going over my calories if I ate too much 'right now'
98. I've gotten more adventurous since losing the weight. Trying new things, going out more, meeting new people.
99. When I sit down, my stomach doesn't rest on top of my thighs anymore. I really can't wait to find out what that's like

I think you can see a reoccurring theme in all of this is I don't seem to be troubled by alot of the things that 'fat' people 'cant' do. I don't feel fat, I know it. There's a huge difference in that.
[list from Runs For Cookies]

So, to share some goals I made when I got back into exercising a few weeks ago:

I want to be able to run a 12-minute mile, for 3 miles total

I want to be able to do 20 push ups

I want to be able to hold a one-minute plank again

Not worry about fitting into the wedding dress we bought

I know that seems like a short list, but to me, that's all I need right now to work on.  

Hope you all have a great new year!

So today I got to do a stress test and get a heart monitor for 24-hrs to see if I have any palpitation symptoms. This didn't please my cardiologist, who wanted me on the 4-week program since my palpitations seem to be random. But hey, insurance is insurance, and they are the will of god... or something. I forgot while grocery shopping I had some of the nodes [?] showing on my chest and I was very confused when the cashier asked me if I needed help for my 5 bags. My cashiers at the grocery store usually ask that when I've got about triple that, so I was confused until I bumped the box grabbing my purse from the cart. On the brighter[?] side, the stress test showed my heart to be great! Fantastic! Working just as well as the echo showed it to be. I couldn't get the goal of 100% heart rate at 194, I made it to 185. The incline was killing my calves since the wanted me to hold onto the bars [something I've never done at the gym], and the my exercise induced-asthma started to call, so I asked to step down. I was disappointed my heart rate didn't drop back down the way it normally does, but from what the nurse-practitioner said this was fine. Of course, while I'm glad my heart is apparently nice and healthy....I was horribly disappointed I wasn't going to get any answers or treatment. Might sound horrible but I'm tired of not knowing whats going on with my body or why I have days where I feel human again and days where I feel like I'm about to die. Le sigh. Lately I seem to have 87% ok days if I concentrate on eating things like bread over protein, especially when I wake up. I'm trying to drink more water, drinking it with lemon juice when possible. I'm not sure if this indicative of something like diabetes or not. Every time I check the symptoms I am missing 1 key symptom: weight loss. Both kinds of diabetes call for sudden unexplained weight loss. Which has not been my problem. I am now car-less, which seemed to be the universe telling me to chill the fuck out, not that I have entirely. I am horrible at relaxing, I always feel like there are things to be done. This is possibly the reason I now have a second blister under a not-healed-but-popped blister right on the crease of my index finger. It hurts but hey, why should that stop me from pulling up those damn ultra-spawning uber-long-root weeds? I stopped wearing my gloves because I discovered I cant grip the weeds properly with them on, and then I'd have to dig them out. :) but I've started part of the cobblestone path, have laid down seed for grass which seems to be taking, yay, and recently I was inspired to use the old fencing the neighbors left in our yard as a path on the other side of the yard, leading where eventually I will have 'boxed' flowers with said boards [we have a shitload.....] However, it has become clear to me that I need to embrace my home exercises once more, because breaking a sweat pulling weeds doesn't actually burn many calories[neither does my twice weekly 3 mile walk with the dog]. I just hope it doesn't trigger anything. I've been inspired by the fitness stuff I've seen over on Pinterest, which is nice since I've been feeling blah about exercise since the whole mess with my body started. I do miss my gym though. I liked the sense of purpose it gave me. although last time I was there, bout a month ago, I was a derp and was so excited to be back I pulled a back muscle from one of my shoulder exercises. I must admit I look comical in the mornings when I cant move my chest and shoulders because of the pain from the pull cramping back up. Also, for those with Iphones, androids or windows 7 phones, Runkeeper is a great free app. And it is for more than running, which is awesome since currently I'm a sprinter-while the dog somehow manages to almost trip me while I relay street pole to street pole and then act like I was never doing such a thing, until I meet another pole I like..... type person :) I canna think of more to say. Ta!

This weekends foos intake was apparently bad. Or it coulda been the alcohol that was the only to settle my stomach. But there was my healthy foods, then there was the feast/lunch fr 2 days. I had mainly veggies but apparently a little cheese and beans makes me gain weight. And today was going to be me time but I've got company I'd rather not have :| Might have to go shopping so I can be alone

Cottage Cheese and Grilled Tomatoes

Lately I have been on a cottage cheese kick. It tastes great right now, and since its filling and healthy I'll be sad when my taste buds decide it doesn't want it anymore. I find it annoying that I can't seem to stop going through phases of what tastes good and what sound disgusting to put in may mouth. Eggs, for one, right now I cant stand them, But a month and a half ago I was eating them in as many creative ways as possible. This past weekend, in an attempt to control/provide myself with healthy options, I made several foods for our weekend at dress rehearsal. This included asparagus guacamole, which has no avocados in it but tastes the same with a slightly different texture. The fiancee, who is allergic to raw avocados and ill-prepared guacs, loved it and said I had made a new kind of crack for him :) I also brought grilled tomatoes, which I had grilled with garlic and dear goodness they were tasty. And huge, the recipe I was following didn't specify what size to get. My sister requested more for opening weekend, but smaller. I made broccoli too but not much of it got eaten, the fiancee wanted some and then forgot to eat it, but since it smelled like curdled milk after 2 days in the cooler, I'm guessing I should've cooked them my usual way. Last week I managed to go through what I think is a 3 lb tub of cottage cheese since I east it as part of my breakfast. Cottage cheese with chicken soup is yummy. The backyard project is going slowly, because of the health issues I had plus in one weekend away what had been fledgling grass was overtaken by weeds, about 50% of which is this strange oversized clover plant that I have to dig out the roots :| Meh, but hey, weeding the backyard is a source of exercise. I need to remember to pull out and charge my dads drill so I can drill hoes into my soon-to-be compost bin. Also need to drill holes in some old pots so I can plant things in them too and use it to decorate the backyard. I'm excited about the project still. I feel accomplished. TTFN

So the cardiologist says my heart is fine. spoke to another doctor who gives two craps about the person and not the money, whose current regimen for me seems to be fixing my other ills. I hope this means I can start exercising again. Im going to make a concerted effort to post more here :)

Heart trouble

Medical problems galore lately, first started having more palpitations, ended up in the ER twice, and I need to talk to my doctor about whether I have GERDS or a peptic ucler [ad issues for years and then the first tachycardia episode that got me to the er seemed to trigger a full on stomach meltdown] and at one point I dropped 12 lbs in a week because of the stomach problems [water nauseated me, it got so bad]. When I mentioned that to the admitting nurse at the ER the second time around, the super skinny girl smiled and said, "Well that's good." If I hadn't been feeling so horrible I would've thrown her stapler at her head for the ignorance of that statement.

In general nothing has been resolved accept that Ive gotten my stomach to cooperate a little more and put some weight back on [which only made me happy because the weight loss was too quick and hard on my body]. Hopefully soon I will know more.

Recipes to satisfy :)

Tomato and Squash Pie [more like a flat bread]
Warm Red Cabbage with Apple and Caraway Slaw
Lemon Vinaigrette
Broccoli Pesto Pizza
Penne With Spinach Sauce
Chickpea casserole with Lemon and Shallots a personal favorite
Spicy Chickpea Stew
Turkish Yogurt Cake with Figs
Herb garden Potatoes with Fresh Spinach Lemon
Mac n Cheese with Artichokes
Lemon Spinach Pesto Pasta
Egyptian Tomato Soup
Cornmeal Fennel Cookies
Grilled Pork Tenderloin with Herbed Cornmeal Rub
Egg-crisp Polenta with Tomatoes n Mushrooms
Sweet Mustard Chicken Bake I personally would up the [substituted brown] mustard quotient and reduce the honey portion to taste because the honey will strangle the mustard easily
Spinach Tomato Tortellini
Rosemary Ranch Chicken Kabobs
Beer Butt Rosemary Chicken
Cajun Spiced Pork Chops
Black Bean and corn Quessadillas
Fettuccine with Sweet Pepper Cayenne Sauce So frickin tasty and healthy
Grilled zucchini Pizza
Asparagus Guacamole
Spinach Brownies

I think I shall leave it here for now, enjoy!

A project

There's something to be said about physical labor. It's somehow more soothing and satisfying than going to the gym. I recently started reclaiming my parent's backyard from it's jungle of weeds status, and the hard work feels good. It's going to take me the rest of the summer to finish my [somewhat] 'Grand Plan' for it, but I'm excited to have this project. I'm nearly done clearing out all the weeds, and a good deal of it just needs to be disposed of [makes me sad I can't burn it in my state, so much easier]. Part of my plan is to plant a garden, which excites me so much, I've fallen in love with growing things. Before I can even get to that stage I need to start fertilizing the ground, which considering the size of the yard is going to take awhile since even chicken poop is not cheap when you need as much as I do. Already I can feel the muscles working for all my different stages of work, and the good kind of sore I'll be. I want to give a nice backyard to my parents to enjoy during the warmer months, instead of a dust bowl, and since I'm getting married next year [got engaged 2 weeks ago yay] I need to actually do this instead of just dreaming and planning. Not only do I want to start a garden but I'd love to plant flowers for my mom to enjoy.
Does anybody know, btw, how deep a raised bed should be for an herb garden?

Coffee is evil

So I've made a huge lateral move. You keep reading all these articles about what aspartame does to you, right? I decided ok, I'm going to give up soda, because let's face it, I love my diet sodas and drink tons a day. It's convenient, great for downing all my vitamins and supplements, brings in recycle money....yadda. But because I'm trying to be committed to myself and my health, I decided I was going to give it up. Except. Except... I haven't gone completely off of it, I still have some in the evening, [not nearly the amount i was ingesting before], but instead of replacing it with just plain water, I have in fact replaced it with coffee. I'm drinking close to a pot a day, which considering about 2 weeks ago I wasn't drinking coffee on a regular basis, I'm sure I have shocked my system, but also, I drink it with milk. I used to be able to drink it black but for some reason I can't anymore. So while that alien, dangerous mars-goo aspartame is way less in my system, I er... don't think, ok I KNOW, the amount of caffeine that's replaced it is not good.
I keep telling myself I should go back to my 5 pots of tea a day, but my annoying other head-voice keeps pointing out it takes longer to make in the morning, I cant put the grounds on my budding plants, and it takes longer to cool. I mean my large tea pot holds 32-36 oz of tea, which takes me maybe an hour to drink. Maybe. and it's not always convenient to try to make it at my friends house. But hey, those sound like excuses. I figure next week I will start with my tea again, I do well changing my morning routine at the beginning of my week.
The bright side, if any, of the coffee drinking is its helping me to get calcium from a non-supplement source, and it seems to help fill me up.


Goal to Lose: 64
Goal Time: 05/12
Remaing: 61

Its Hardly Working

But I'm going to keep working hard.. My bi polar is having a grand time with me too, doesn't help a bit, does it.
I'm looking into some blogs about Clean Eating, because well, I keep hearing about it, and, I love a good veggie recipe. I've also been inspired recently to plant some beans [and squash] in my front yard, though to the dismay of my mother, it wasn't in a small corner where nothing grows, but scattered along the top of it in order to help heal the soil. I love watching it grow.

One day.

Goal to Lose?: 64
Goal Time: 05/12

Some great-sounding recipes I can't wait to try out:
Brussels Sprouts Hash
Seasoned Brussels Sprouts
Broccoli Mushroom Quiche
Jambalaya
Many more at The Gracious Pantry

Palpitations

So guess what causes episodes of heart arrhythmia? add 50 or so ounces of coffee, add some strenuous physical labor, a warm day, and mix in a most of the day empty stomach... and you have me having tingling in my left hand, followed by the arrhythmia episode while driving and panicking [but trying to breath through it] that I was having a heart attack while driving in traffic on a major street with no way to safely get over [and later reflecting my emergency lights don't work anymore] I realized I wasn't having a heart attack only because there was no pain, just a pounding irregular heartbeat and the inability to breathe correctly for several minutes. I was worried I was instead stroking, and feeling more than guilty that I would be taking out the cars around me once I lost consciousness. I finally got ahold of my boyfriend who was driving in front of me, and I followed him home where he drove me back to my parents home since I was terrified to drive the 25 minutes after 2 episodes [the second happening after he asked me to follow him] of feeling like I was about to die or something close to it.

Once I ate and pumped some water into me [I started drinking powerade when I thought I might be heart-attack/stroking] I did better but it was not something I'd like to repeat.


working for 2 weeks in a physical job like I did was awesome, this past Monday after a fabulous 3-day weekend away with the wonderful boyfriend brought about a severe case of ennui as I wasn't waking up with him after 2 weeks of it and I had no job to look forward to. sucko. The repeating meals seemed to be a massive fail, did not seem to help me weight cause whatsoever, in fact I needed exlax a couple of times in 2 weeks because of it. hmph.
I really did enjoy the physical labor of my job, and will be looking into getting a factory/similar job because I really liked feeling like I was doing something. and for not doing anything but gaining for 2 weeks, I could feel my muscles being worked in ways they hadn't in a long time. That being said, I missed having my gym and gym time. I want a labor job too so I can start saving up for the next phase....gnomes!
er, no. For my weeding next year, the ring, the apartment, etc. oh, a car that isnt dying. but I wish i could spoil my love.
Eat right Kiddos or the Joker will make you smile!

I love graphs. I've always been a sucker for them, even if they show whacks things, for instance, my 'weight' loss. see how much that damn dot bounces?
Of course, some of it is the wonderful thing called my current weekends, working at the southern California renaissance pleasure faire, in which, even though I make good choices as often as possible, My body gets whacked out. I mean seriously i have and water and who knows what gain of about 6 lbs each weekend. I know they're not real numbers but it's annoying to see that after the persnickety scale has started budging downward it gets to tango back up after two days. meh. Oi with the poodles already.
I got to see my doctor this Monday, but f course, she told me to come back in a month when I'll have insurance again to diagnose my knees [since xrays will rape your pocketbook] and I think I'll wait til then to ask for an antidepressant again. I think I'll use this opportunity to research some of the newer ones to come out since I was on them regularly. I'm just hoping the cream for the ringworm will work. so tired of looking at it on my feet.
Its my birthday next Friday and somehow, I don't think I'll reach my goal of 189, which would have my back at my original 50 pound loss [well, ok, that would be 53.2 lbs, but dammit it was my lowest weight]. however If I can nudge back down to a 195 I will be satisfied with that, for it will be a 48.2 loss [which i will round down to 45 since it only make me happy to have the weird real numbers].

I've changed up my gym routine recently and I'm loving the burn I'm feeling. The very inspirational blog Thge Black Girl's Guide to Weight Loss reminded me of something I had forgotten when it came to my gym routine: it takes girls a lot longer, and a lot heavier weights, to look like a female Schwarzenegger when weight training. This being once again firmly rooted in my mind, I have been throwing myself at those weights. Oh alright, I just pick them up and do combo work with them, but either way I get strange looks from the skinny things at the gym. My fellow 'want-to-shed-a-few-inches' crowd don't notice or do similar things, but really, it' hilarious to see the skinny things watch me with disdain and horror as I *gasp* do leg presses and arm extensions at the same time while on a machine [followed by using a strictly arm machine for some moves that work arms and abs, whoo-hoo]
in a few weeks I will change to a new routine for a while to challenge my body. It was going to be in 2 weeks but I have a temporary job next week that has me staying with the bf so that I don't kill my car with the commute and being too far away from my gym to work out :( This is the only time I'm really sad my gym is not a chain, but since my job will be physically involved, I hope to make up for it.

Enough babbling, I have chores to do, a cd to buy, and a gym to sweat in before my evening of family time starts.

Some links about Health

10 Healthy Recipes Using Greek Yogurt
I'm a big fan a Greek yogurt. I love the way it tastes and always have [except when I was little and would accidentally eat my mother's tzatziki she would put in the Fage tubs, but then I thought it was Greek yogurt, not tzatziki]

50 Seemingly Healthy Foods that are Bad
:) Learning to read labels helps so much, but this list is useful

The Worst Drinks For your Body
Not just mixed drinks listed here folks

40 Tasty Snacks under 200 cals


Jillian Michael's 20 Minute Routine for Shape Magazine

More sometime later

Link to another wonderful post

For Colored Girls Who have Considered Eating Disorders

Arthritis

I'm hoping to borrow money from my parents to go to my doctor and have her check out my knees for osteoarthritis. It was suggested to me and afterward when thinking about it I noticed alot of similarities between what happened with my knees last year and when my mom's arthritis hit when I was in 2nd grade. It may be something else entirely but I would like to be able to treat it whatever it is. I miss being able to do squats without pain like my knees were about to sever, and being able to exercise freely and push myself instead of having to be careful of not irritating the pain in my knees.
I read from Dave Zinecko this week that protein should be 25% of your daily diet, so I'm going to spend the next few day looking at my normal food intake to see how my proteins measure up to the recommended proteins. Thank goodness for calorie counter programs that break it down for you :P
Im going to go shower, and then spend the day helping my bf unpack at the new place.

Nothing exciting or new

to report.... no Change. No firming up, no weight loss. With the RennFaire here, it seem nigh impossible, although I'm not tempted to go get the turkey legs and eat the whole thing. The idea actually makes me a little ill, seems like a lot of food for one sitting. While the chocolate strawberries do sound good, I spend my day wrangling children and rarely get the time to go use the facilities much less walk the food court for scrumptious strawberries or the few other tasty morsels hidden there.
There is lunch with my guild, my father at the helm for cooking, and for my 12 hr days there my lunch should consist mainly of vegetables, but funny, when sharing a platter with a table, others actually eat their veggies too. Who knew so many mothers had wooden spoons and stories about children in Africa?
I'm feeling particularly out of time these days, not being able to do the many things I had been able to a few months ago, and depression is in full swing. I can't afford the 150$ trip to my doctor to get her to prescribe antidepressants again, since that office hasn't done it in years. I'm not looking forward to the day when I need a new inhaler either.
I'm thinking my abuse of antihistamines last summer is coming back to haunt my weight loss efforts, but I'm at a loss as how to fix this, but to continue attempting to stick to my diet [my depression isnt helping] and continue exercising.

I reviewed my calorie goals over at livestrong.com, and while in essence i need to eat more every day, I actually input my activity level incorrectly. It seems to vary, from calculator to calculator, what the definition of light activity is, normally i seem to qualify for it but upon closer look to the site's definition, I don't come close to it. So I have modified it, and my new calorie goal reflect numbers I'm much more comfortable with.
I now feel like like if someone had drawn a caricature of my [unknowingly over] consumption of calories in the past month or so I would be a happily noshing down Chinese cartoon they use to illustrate good food, happy yummy, tasty.... mmm I can taste the Mongolian barbecue I had on Saturday night. Chock full of veggies and spice. I know, I know, it would be faster to attach a gas pump of salt straight into my arm, but I'll happily lie to myself about water gain the next morning for that garlicky, spicy, cabbagy heaven once in a while. Shrimp, meanwhile, is still disgusting.
I think if I was drawn as a happy stuffing her face chinese person I would be cute.

Ever feel like you've missed your opportunity?
I do. with my weight loss that is.I started this back in, what, November? *checks* yes, November, by then I had been exercising for a few week again and well. in 4 months I've made no progress even though this time around I know what I'm doing.
Quite honestly my life is worlds different than the first time. I have a boyfriend now, the 'friends' who causes me stress has gone from a major depression where she ignores everyone to bim-bam-boom let get my life on track and while its great to see her having goals.... I am her stepping stool to do them. I realized I've put my life on hold for her and in my lovely pms time it just feels like I've screwed myself and it's too late to do anything. My friends imposing on my time, and then later asking if its alright has been a high stress factor, for the first time ever I've had an issue walking away from booz for my health.
I'm trying to make positive changes in my life, but boy howdy, I'm feeling defeated.

Waves

Hi! long time no post. Been very busy and stressed lately. People deciding to take over my life tends to do that. Still not loosing weight :( but not gaining too much either...
MAybe, one day, if I'm good enough.

Just Realized

I only been thinking about posting on here and not actually doing so.
Not loosing much, mostly maintaining the small amount and apparently firming up, because many people keep telling me they see weight loss, and well I don't think you can see 3 lbs.
Faire season is starting up, so my life is going to be even more busy, yay, but that means also more opportunity to be active and loose weight. I think the higher calorie restriction works for me, but I also tend to calorie cycle without thinking. Hrrm.

This last weekend I learned how to make empanadas from scratch and they tasted yummy, but boy does rolling dough give you a workout. I also found out eating chipotle peppers can have interesting effects on your system, as well as eating an entire 16[14?] oz bag of vegetables....
off to bed for this overtired girl.

Hmmm

So for 2 weeks I have increased my calories and tried to stay on track with it, which has been middling as far as either overshooting or underscoring it. And other than non-food related incidences, its not causing me too gain weight. I've lost a little, but it seems my body is more interested in toning than loosing actual weight. According to my [obsessive] records of my measurements, I've been losing half inches and whatnot in very little time.
Dear oh dear, body why do you do this to me. You sneak in an inch here, half there, impossible to see or feel. That stoic scale reads in the same 3 pounds for weeks, it's enough t make one mental. Couldn't you reward me for all my ass dragging to the gym, thorough label reading, healthy grain and vegetable choices by a nice big DROP of some weight? Please? Pretty please? Big big pretty please make me not sigh and shrug when the numbers stay the same?
We will see...


oh also, some posts finally over at: Fat and Fancy Free Style

Current Routine at the Gym

For those of you interested, and or opinionated, this is my current routine at the gym, Tuesdays and Thursdays:

Warm-up or that thing that makes me sweat and gets my heart rate up:
5 minutes stair-climber [lvl 3 for 3:45, 4 for 0:45, 5 for 0:30]
12 minutes stationary bike, level four, hill.
I change up which order I do those in but I start with those, and sometimes, I go to level 5 or 6 on the bike.

Weight training, aka me playing of machines like I used to in high school:

Part 1 [in the weight room]
3x 15reps inner thigh press at 40 lbs, holding for 20 sec on 15th rep
4x 20reps outer thigh press at 50lbs, holding 30 secs on 20th rep
1x 15reps top of thigh press? at 40lb [knees still arent healed, this one hurts]
* 2or3x 15 reps squat machine 40-60lbs
* 2x 15 reps lateral [?] arm amchine 40lbs
*1x 10rep lunge high kicks on aerobics stepper
*30 seconds squatted punches
*1x 30 rep jumping jacks
*weighted side stretches
Then repeat.

* = not always done, depending on how my knees are or just changing up what to do to bring my HR back up.
And what a joy to watch myswelf doo all this in a fully mirrored room to emphasize all my unflattering curves...

Part 2 [main female's room where the rest of the weight machines are]
2x 15rep pec press machine at 40lbs
2or3x 15 rep hamstring curl machine at 40lbs
2x 15rep seated crunch machine at 45lbs
Repeat
*2x 15rep outward arm press at 50lb

Cool-Down, where really I'm kicking up my heart rate again.
*5 minutes stair-climber [lvl 3 for 3:45, 4 for 0:45, 5 for 0:30]
*8-13 minutes Elliptical machine level three [frontwards and back]
*6 or 12 minutes stationary bike, level four, hill

* = I try to change up how I end it, but its one or two of these three. I've been shying away from the Elliptical and treadmill lately because it has been triggering my asthma something awful

-----------------
So there it is, how I spend or waste, and hour at the gym. On some of the machines my weight choice may seem low, but right now I'm going with low weights, high reps. I'm going to see how that works for me in the next couple of weeks.

I have my yoga book back from my boyfriend, so yay I get to do yoga every night again. 1 week without it every night was weird and sad. I'm hoping sometime soon I may get to see some difference in my body. I'm not really seeing it on the scale, but I'm hoping I may see it in my body, such as toning.
Part of what I've changed recently is upping my caloric intake, thinking maybe I'm not taking in enough. I know it's not a good idea to change so much at once, but hey I've done much stupider things.


By the way, Ive launched Fat and Fancy Free Style to go along with this site without bombarding those who don't want it with all the pictures.

Live Strong

I totally recommend the livestrong.com website. It lets you easily track your calories and calculates them for you for all your portions, and lets you acknowledge daily activities as things that burns a tiny bit of calories. You know, do some dishes to eat one cookie. Not that those red numbers at the end of the day down in your nutritional breakdown go down for any of your exercise, but the bar that lets you know how many calories you NEED to eat is wonderful. For free, it lets you set custom calorie goals [they recommended I eat 1375 calories a day to loose 2 pounds a week and that scared the bejeezus out of me so I lowered mine to 1300], browse recipes [and click "I ate this!" from that recipe] create your own 'loops' for your neighborhood jog..... This place is awesome. for 45$ a year you can get a few more features, but this site is designed to enable you without sticking it to you. I'm a little tempted to spend the 45 just so I can get the red numbers to stop showing up under the protein column by changing my nutritional goals. After 7 days of using it, it has become clear that while I apparently eat too much protein and fiber, I don't eat enough fat. go figure, I thought I was getting enough of the good ones in my diet, but a good deal of the time I wasn't even getting to the halfway mark. Oops..
Also, it is dang hard to eat 1300 calories a day. I know you are rolling your eyes or rereading that sentence, but trying to eat healthily and fill up that 1300 is making my head melt with confusion. I could theoretically just grab something from Carl's or Jack's or Mc D's, and believe me one of those bastards has come out with an avocado sandwich that sounds amazing. But when you start knowing what's in them, harder to just waltz up to the counter, order, and eat without the 7th grade science films of how your body works going through your mind. Or at least, I have that when I don't have Jillian Michaels standing there in my mind ready to whip me with a car antenna. I will keep trying.

By they way, pearled barley with cumin and garlic is tasty.

oh and I so want this: Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 (new)

Recipes

Here's some recipes I find tasty and are pretty healthy.

Leamony Quinoa [I would make the portions smaller than the recommended 2]
Baked Butternut Squash
Simple Zucchini Pancakes (latkes) Really really dang tasty
Zesty Broccoli and Cauliflower au Gratin
Fried Green Tomatoes



Later I will type up so of my favorite Jillian Michael's Recipes

Also, I've joined livestrong.com to keep track of my calories and exercise. I think the third party of it may keep me more sane.

Pictures

Been taking pictures every 2 weeks for a few months, which seems to not be a great idea because I end up starting at them for hours analyzing details and becoming bewildered and discouraged that I'm gaining weight and becoming puffier and rounder. I'm also having a hard time looking at my godson's playdoh any more since it looks exactly like my body, lumpy, malformed, asymmetrical and overall, not something I'd want to tap. Though It's true they do not make playdoh in glowing peach they way my skin comes ;p

Still not loosing weight even though I'm attending the gym 2-3 times a week and home exercise in between. Still maintaining a 1200 calorie diet with very few slips. I'm feeling very discouraged though I have started only weighing myself at the gym because weighing myself at home was starting to cause me problems. I'm guessing depression isn't helping but you've got to love self-causing downward spirals. Depression leads to lack of weight loss which leads to lack of weight loss. However I'm trying to alleviate said depression with my enjoyment yoga and learning the art of poi.
I still hope and still will work towards weight loss. perhaps tomorrow I will share recent delicious finds.

Simon Says

Simon says do not pass go and collect 200$ for food conduct on Saturday that was combating Friday night's behavior. Simon also says I need to work out a minimum of 3 hrs, I guess, each day to loose weight, because I upped it to two last week and nothing doing. I'm trying to go a whole week without weighing myself, because the battles I'm having and the fact that it's not budging is causing a depression I can't shake and it's really upsetting my boyfriend.
Saturday's food was glorious to enjoy, though. Garlic and Parmesan fries. ah, it was a wonderful, tasty cheat, since sadly, potatoes are enemy number 58 on the dieters long list of foods that one should rarely or never consume. LE sigh. Of course the food I love most is bad for me. Why should I be able to enjoy in moderation any of my old favorite foods when I do enjoy health foods, and well, I have a Jillian Michaels in my head telling me about every little thing I put in my mouth. Try having that bad ass angel ride your shoulder. She may even advocate moderation of old favorites, but I've seen her show, listened to her radio show, read her book, and know how she feels about most of what I like. I'm shamed right now, for I'm enjoying some Diet Coke before bed. It accompanied some carrots and hummus because I was careless about my protein intake earlier today and so was hungry, but dammit I like my fizzy drink. I was consuming it last time I dropped weight So Angel, please stop telling me it's why I'm not loosing weight.

I'm craving lots of vegetables.
But then, I'm craving a pepperoni pizza so I can dip it in my chipotle sauce.
and another pep pizza, this time with pineapple.
No, my cravings are not weird. I'm not asking for tuna and vanilla ice cream. That would mean I was pregnant. and lacking some sort of vitamins.
Time to go enjoy some sleep.

I overhsared my cold

because my godson has it, and my dad too. Its amazing my dad has it, because I've seen him very little since I got [and got over] the head cold. MY little man though, I've seen him plenty. He got, well, fought and barely got, my egg-lemon soup. I made it at the request of his grandpa, who usually gets whatever sick J gets a few days later. But grandpa's appetite has been very good lately, so between a hearty appetite and some of the soup maybe he will get by unscathed.

I have a real craving for Brussels Sprouts. even have a great recipe for them too. none in the house, I'm the only one who likes them. mmm but I have cucumbers, or maybe they are zucchini? and also, chipotle sauce. not together, just for tomorrow.
Today's lunch was lots of bell peppers and tomatoes. Coupled with a turkey patty and lots of peppered cottage cheese, I'm surprised it didn't have a more pungent affect. But it was tasty. I was in heaven with my vegetables.

-----
206.0

Today's Exercise [forgot I needed to be writing this down for all]
Bob Harper's Yoga For the Warrior
30 Minutes DDR

The best dessert

Last night I had the best dessert: a sliced naval orange and dark chocolate. It was sooo tasty. Chocolate oranges are fun to break open but this was much more flavorful.

Of course my cravings also tend towards the weird. I was causing my BF to gag at the market last night when I told him jalapeno kettle chips dipped in melted chocolate sounded good to me. But then, he didn't believe me that the sell candy bars with jalapenos, cayenne, salt, etc. I mentioned boutiques in other countries first and he didn't believe me when I got to the USA. Silly boy. But then the fun was making him gag. We also had a serious debate about sugary peanut butter, and whether or not strawberry jam is disgusting [I hate the vile concoction.] Also caused his mother's eyes to bulge when I asked if 10 water bottles was enough fluid. With the pour pouches I managed to drink lots and lots of water yesterday. I felt the need to ask when I noticed I was going pee every 20 minutes and felt like floating away.... So all in all, a great evening.


-------
205.5

Hmmm

Still not loosing weight but I'm glad to be doing yoga again.
I highly suggest it, really. While there are some positions that are a little odd because some part of me is too big, it still makes me sweat so go on, what are you waiting for?
I'm still stretching and strengthening muscles. I'm hoping even If I'm not loosing weight, I'll maybe tone up some. Maybe then I'll be able to fit back into the pants I got a little too fat to wear comfortably.
Trying to find decaffeinated tea seems to be as useful as trying to find sugarless orange juice. Blahhhh. Of course the amount of tea I drink is ridiculous, but trying to stay away form diet soda is important to me. I'm trying to not feel guilty about using the pour pouches of Crystal Light in my water, since it also is flavored by the devil. Who knows maybe the aspartame in the pour-pouches is holier since it's tea.
It all keeps one chanting, "Inee Topee" all day long.

----------
Today: 206.9
Yesterday: 206.6

I feel low

after three months, I'm starting to feel like they've had it wrong, and exercise makes you gain weight, since I added 2 pounds since yesterday. Damn damn damn. If in another month I still haven't lost weight I think I'm going to start a movement in my local paper calling out all the doctors who lied

-------
208.9

Another day, another pound.

I'm really hoping I just built muscles yesterday and that's why my weight went up this morning, because I had an awesome day yesterday.
While I didn't get to be seen by the dentist, on the way home I stopped by a Fresh n Easy right around the corner from my house, and bought myself lots of veggies, and healthier foods to keep at my friend's house since I prepare a lot of meals over there [no point in buying veggies for there, she wont eat nearly any vegetable]. Normally they accommodate my diet in what they buy but for various reason the last month or so there's been little I can eat without paying for it there.
This little trip deprived me of enough time to do Bob's yoga, so I opted for Jillian's instead. I then did more yoga, 3 routines from Slim Calm Sexy Yoga . I made a healthy dinner, played games for family night over there, then did the yoga. I was feeling relaxed and wonderful. So this morning's number hurt.

Today I hit the gym, spending 12 minutes on the bike, 5 minutes on the stair stepper [no handles, yay] 9 minutes on the treadmill with 2 sprints thrown in [my asthma was talking to me, not to mention the phlegm in my chest] about 15 minutes in the weight room doing the squat machine, and the inner and outer thigh master machines, and one of the leg raiser thingies, then climbed on an elliptical for 2 minutes to jump start my heart rate again. so that's.... about 41 minutes. Programing some of the machines can take some time on some of the machines.
In a few minutes I'm going to do a routine from the book again, and call it a night.
Maybe tomorrow the numbers will make me smile.

So I found out

Trying to exercise at the gym with a cold sucks. Even with the head phones on I could tell I was loudly mouth breath, and to top it off I didnt last a full 30 minutes, much less the 45 I was going to put in. My chest was hurting and head was buzzing too much, and I kept getting a side stitch. I was disappointed in myself. The scale this morning really reflected my suckfest at the gym yesterday too. gained a pound.

Annoyed at my dentist. She apparently has a policy, unspoken and unwritten, that she won't work on you if you have a cold. Shes the first dentist I've ever had who's had this policy, and is insisting it's because I will get her sick, and other paitients.
grr.

Been having fun teaching my bf how to cook. I'm currently on hiatus from cooking because of a major cooking mistake the other day and I'd like to take a break. I don't feel like my skills have improved since I started cooking three years ago.
Tomorrow is back to the gym. I tried going on Saturday night, but by the time I went they were closed. Turns out they aren't 24-hr on the weekend. Yesterday I was feeling the Bob kettle-bell dvd pretty hard, so naughty me I only did his 15 minute ab workout.
I also blew it by drinking last night, though it was partially balanced out by not having lots of food yesterday either. I ate way under my calorie count, but the booz trashed that.
Rum is my favorite drink but I tend to forget to stop having more. Also, it gives me the runs the next day. Today has sucked. I didn't weigh myself because it wouldn't be accurate for all the drinking I did last night.
I've had a cold for the past few days, which is why I decided to have a day off from exercising. I figured snotting all over my floor or gym equipment wouldn't be good, and off and on all day my eyes feel like they're being pushed out of my head.
how're all of you?

short thought

Bob Harper's kettle bell dvd, the cardio, inside out one, is awesome. Strange to watch the assistant girl because she seems to be out of the loop, unrehearsed. Good in some ways, to make you feel like you can screw up, bad in some ways because you don't have someone who's actually doing the exercise all the time to reference since bob doesn't do them all while talking you through them.
Excellent workout though.

linkage: Bob Kettlebell Cardio Shred

2 kinds of people...

On Thursday I went back to gym, about the same time as I had on Tuesday, and I noticed some of the same people. This felt nice, that these would be the regulars I would seeing. I observed, though, two very different and distinct attitudes in the 'skinny' women.
There were the women with the the determined shoulders and slightly exhausted expression. You can watch there jaws and lips twitch ever so as they count, and calculate every step and rep. As they move from machine to machine, they may think about wiping them down, but more often they're swiggin' water from their bottles as they walk to the next exercise; they don't see the machine. They see what it's done for them.
Then, there are the women with a detached, unconcerned look on their faces, shoulders taut with being worked but relaxed when released. They glance from TV to ipod screen. As they go from each machine to the next, there is an assured sway to the hips and ass. They spend less time than expected on each machine, seeming to choose each at random. They head out after 30 minutes, with maybe some glow of sweat.

The first kind I've known, and includes my sister. They've had to work to become 'skinny'. They appreciate the work it takes, and the access they pay to have for the machines that aid them. [at home vs gym is another topic, another post]

The second kind I've not known, per se. I've plenty of skinny friends, none of them attend a gym. or exercise regularly. But the general attitude I've known.

Of course there were plenty of overweight women like myself, and luckily there's no [neurotic] fear of judgment there. We all got there somehow, and are doing something to fix it. whoohoo.

I think next time I will check out how I feel in the co-ed section of the gym. I was doing Jillian's gym workout [first of 3], and about 1 minute before I needed to switch off of my elliptical machine for the one stair-stepper in the women's side, someone else got it. So instead of 20 minutes of heart pounding, my-god I'm dying exercise, I went into the mirrored weight room and used all of the leg machines and got to stare at myself and feel oh so wonderful about my fall back.

Now I'm trying to phase out my drinking diet soda since everyone is so down on aspartame, and for a while I wasn't drinking it. I love tea but in the volume I drink it, it becomes tedious because I can drink about 3-5 gallons a day. [that and water].
Also read recently that "Tip: Recent studies found prescription-antihistamine users are more likely to be overweight. Drugs like Olanzapine & Risperidone carry the side effect of blocking weight loss. Research shows that blocking histamines, although good for managing hay-fever, can contribute to over eating & slow fat breakdown.If you take these drugs, talk to your Dr. about natural alternatives & environmental fixes such as dust proofing."
And while I don't take the prescriptions, when the weight suddenly jumped back on [I maintained for a long time] 2 factors happened. I was taking antihistamine at prescription strength to help me sleep and to help with my allergies on a very regular basis. I also spent 2 months drinking heavily on the weekends, especially after having an epiphany where I realized while taking care of my godson and another charge the same age all weekend long several time [and at a faire, we were camping] that I shouldn't be a parent, and since I've longed to be a parent for a long time, this really upset me.
So I'm hoping between a new bed for better sleep and no booz, things will get better.

Laters

So

I know I meant this as a way to publicly be accountable for my weight loss by posting food and exercise every day, but I have been unmotivated or plain out of time lately to update everyday. Not only that, but I've been thoroughly depressed that I haven't managed to loose weight like I did last time. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong and it's incredibly disheartening that not only have I not lost weight in 2 1/2 months, I'm also bigger that I was physically a month ago. While I took those photos at the tail end of my period, I'm don't recall ever being told I'd bloat in my thighs.

Today I didn't get in as much exercise as I would like, but tomorrow is a new day, filled with a new dvd of Bob Harper's Kettle bell cardio. I annoyed my dad the other day in Target when we went to pick the dvd up, because I discovered he also has his own line of kettle bells [which I liked for their wide grip] and another kettle bell dvd altogether. I wanted to sit and read the backs of the bells and dvds and analyze the difference between my choices, but dad was having none of it. oops. Now that I have my kettle bell back, I can see what he has to offer, besides knowing its 54 minutes long. I'm not going to review it first. Haven't had the time.
Also went to the gym Thursday, and that's a whole other post.

Today I only DDR'd for 34 minutes. I spent most of my afternoon out, including bowling, but I didn't do that all that long, so.
Was pretty good about food. But I'm falling asleep here, so no lists today.
Night all.

Im not a loser today

I'm not a loser today, in both the good and bad sense. I'm not a a loser[good thing] because I feel I made good food choices and I exercised. But I'm also not a loser today because even though I hit the gym yesterday and ate decently,, it did not reflect on the scale today.
The gym I was gifted with a membership to is not a chain. I met my sister outside so she could show me around [and surprise, managed to annoy her because I got lost, found a branch for my credit union across the street, and discovered I had the location right the first time while thinking I had the time to be lost and spend 3 minutes at an ATM because she had txted saying she was running late. I was then late.] She showed me to the females only section, and I think I may poke my head over to the co-ed section to see how it is. I did work out, but I felt out of my element. I didn't recognize half of the machines in the 'cardio' room, and the weight room. I took 2 semesters of weight training in high school, and loved those machines. Didn't see a-one of those. It was also beyond weird for me to exercise around my sister [hello sisterly competition issues!] She had to leave since it was her lunch break after I'm thinking 30 mins, and I didn't stay much longer. This disappointed my sister, I could tell, but I did have a few reasons. 1, the elliptical spiked my heart rate too fast and stupid me did not remember my inhalor, 2, same said elliptical kept clicking and I felt not only could the few other [skinny] women hear it, they'd know it was from my fat fat ass working the machine, which I know is stupid but hey I have stupid social phobias, 3, I hadn't brought in the one magazine that had a plan for the machines I knew they had, and boy howdy are they right about not getting as much done without a plan.
Overall now that I've seen what's what there, I'm very excited about using the machines, space, and just hope I can get on track and I will actually lose weight.

--------
Progresso Chicken Noodle Soup
Fiber One bar
1 Turkey Patty
1/2 cup cottage cheese
1 medium bell pepper, diced and roasted
1 individual size fat free greek yougurt
1 apple
1 5 oz chicken braest
4 oz organic edamame
4 oz jasmine rice with butter

Jillian Micheal's Yoga Meltdown [25 min]
DDR [21 min]

OK Gym, you and Me Time

Today, I'm meeting my sister at the gym to have her show me around and then for the whole year, I'm going to kick my butt at the gym.
I hope. The fact that I don't know if I know how to do it correctly but since they also offer classes there I think I'm going to try for those too.
Just wish my uterus would stop hurt from my period :| ouch ouch ouch.
It's interesting, theoretically my leptin is out of whack because I feel hungry all the time, but exercising isn't helping. Maybe If I exercise more?
They say the key is to eat right exercise more, and loose weight. started going back to the right track 2 months ago and haven't lost weight, and I feel hungry all the time. I do know I need to definitely go back to no cheese as per my cholesterol diet, instead of forgetting 2 days later after deciding it. Must also think of filling things to eat.
got some greek yogurt and avocados, so that should be great after the gym. time to go get changed and head out.