I'm going to say something frowned upon in the fitspo world:
I do not love my body.
For me, I do not subscribe to the popular saying that if I don't love my body now when I lose weight I won't love it then.
I'm not saying this is a wrong thing to strive for, but I'm sorry, it's not for me.
I love me. Ok, that took years. But I do, I love me, I love my personality, but no, I don't love this body I'm in. I'm working on changing as a sign of love to myself, I want my health. I detest my body's current state because it represents years of self abuse. I used food in all the wrong ways, purposely ignored opportunities to learn about health and how to change my ways. It represents years of self perpetuating hate, hate the body, hurt the body. I couldn't learn to love me because I fell into the trap of body is worth.
Now, I see a body I'm not happy with and I use it to get my butt moving because there are days, especially heat wave days, I have no desire to work out. But I look at myself and know if I don't like what I see, I need to change it. I can't complain about this body if I'm not willing to work on it. I will work out the rest of my life because I chose to make that my life style.
I also no longer hate myself for not working out when I don't get to and or/put it off. I don't hate myself when my diet is not my ideal. I forgive myself and move on. I don't need that negativity in my life anymore.
One day, I will like my body, and then love it, but for now, I want my health back.
Showing posts with label female image. Show all posts
Showing posts with label female image. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Non Scale Victory Thoughts
These prolly don't count. But I thought I'd share them
In 14 weeks, I spent 42 hours and 25 minutes of them exercising. [I have no figures for when I started about 3 weeks prior to that because I wasn't writing anything down.]
Anytime I start to feel down about how little progress I feel I've made, I can remind myself that I didn't gain back all 50 lbs I lost before my knees crapped out. I made that 50lb progress, and that is something. Setbacks happen.
I don't feel guilty [98% of the time] for eating something that isn't part of the healthy ideal. I very often know if it's a choice of feeding my body when I have the chance, and going with something 2nd best for it, and trying to wait for the absolute best, that wait is going to do bad things to me.
I no longer feel like giving up when I'm frustrated. Believe me, I get frustrated from time to time because my body isn't doing what I think it should be doing. Those inspirationals are right. It takes time, and if I don't keep going it's never going to happen and then I'll be upset even more. 6 months are going to pass no matter what, what matters is how I spend those months.
That's all I've got for now
In 14 weeks, I spent 42 hours and 25 minutes of them exercising. [I have no figures for when I started about 3 weeks prior to that because I wasn't writing anything down.]
Anytime I start to feel down about how little progress I feel I've made, I can remind myself that I didn't gain back all 50 lbs I lost before my knees crapped out. I made that 50lb progress, and that is something. Setbacks happen.
I don't feel guilty [98% of the time] for eating something that isn't part of the healthy ideal. I very often know if it's a choice of feeding my body when I have the chance, and going with something 2nd best for it, and trying to wait for the absolute best, that wait is going to do bad things to me.
I no longer feel like giving up when I'm frustrated. Believe me, I get frustrated from time to time because my body isn't doing what I think it should be doing. Those inspirationals are right. It takes time, and if I don't keep going it's never going to happen and then I'll be upset even more. 6 months are going to pass no matter what, what matters is how I spend those months.
That's all I've got for now
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Wednesday Weigh-In
Today's weight: 211.2
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So I had a random thought pop into my head this morning as I ate my breakfast. In Miss Congeniality, when she is going through her intense, over-night 'beautification', at one point she goes to grab a sandwich from the food table and is stopped by her coach and handed a peice of celery. My first thought about this this morning was, wow, that's kind've wrong in showing that she needs to conform in all ways to American standards of feminine beauty by saying she must keep to a strict diet instead of eating like she's a real human.
But then I had a take two: she's staying up all night and if she's going to be snacking when she normally wouldn't be ingesting food, isn't her coach helping her by handing her something decidedly more healthful than a sandwich? A sandwich that has salt and bread to make her bloated and backed up when she needs to be able to perform her job?
This was followed by a take 3: But since she is staying up all night and wont be getting the zzz's she needs, shouldn't she eat the sandwich with protein to give her body the fuel it needs?
Now, I know really none of this matters, since really the point of the interaction [and just after it] was to show how awkward everything is for her and completely alien. But sometimes I think this how over-analyzing movies and shows happen and making mountains out of mole-hills when it comes to certain issues.
I'm not saying media doesn't contribute to skewed body images and ideals, but my personal opinion is it falls under the same category of parents wanting others to raise their kids. Things I was brought up to believe are a parent's responsibility to teach a child/discipline a child about are now common ground for media/schools/etc to get sued over.
My parents did their damnedest to discredit any media source defining beauty. They called it on its bullshit. My body issues stem from knowing, not thinking, that I'm overweight, and having doctors tell me I need to lose weight. Admittedly, I also had peers letting me know I was overweight, and that didnt help, but I tried to ignore it.
On a slightly related note, I tend to like the roles of Sandra's I've seen because she has characters who show things like emotion overeating, or alcohol abuse, or anxiety, real people, real issues. Even in Miss Congeniality, she turns to food.
------
So I had a random thought pop into my head this morning as I ate my breakfast. In Miss Congeniality, when she is going through her intense, over-night 'beautification', at one point she goes to grab a sandwich from the food table and is stopped by her coach and handed a peice of celery. My first thought about this this morning was, wow, that's kind've wrong in showing that she needs to conform in all ways to American standards of feminine beauty by saying she must keep to a strict diet instead of eating like she's a real human.
But then I had a take two: she's staying up all night and if she's going to be snacking when she normally wouldn't be ingesting food, isn't her coach helping her by handing her something decidedly more healthful than a sandwich? A sandwich that has salt and bread to make her bloated and backed up when she needs to be able to perform her job?
This was followed by a take 3: But since she is staying up all night and wont be getting the zzz's she needs, shouldn't she eat the sandwich with protein to give her body the fuel it needs?
Now, I know really none of this matters, since really the point of the interaction [and just after it] was to show how awkward everything is for her and completely alien. But sometimes I think this how over-analyzing movies and shows happen and making mountains out of mole-hills when it comes to certain issues.
I'm not saying media doesn't contribute to skewed body images and ideals, but my personal opinion is it falls under the same category of parents wanting others to raise their kids. Things I was brought up to believe are a parent's responsibility to teach a child/discipline a child about are now common ground for media/schools/etc to get sued over.
My parents did their damnedest to discredit any media source defining beauty. They called it on its bullshit. My body issues stem from knowing, not thinking, that I'm overweight, and having doctors tell me I need to lose weight. Admittedly, I also had peers letting me know I was overweight, and that didnt help, but I tried to ignore it.
On a slightly related note, I tend to like the roles of Sandra's I've seen because she has characters who show things like emotion overeating, or alcohol abuse, or anxiety, real people, real issues. Even in Miss Congeniality, she turns to food.
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