There again

Yeah, I'm sure hormones are contributing, but I can't stop bumming over how much I have failed. I failed in my goal to be a dress size down by my august fitting. I failed in my goal to lose weight in general.  May not have failed the goal to make exercise part of my life, but seriously bummed that apparently my diet sucks worse than I thought it does.  So I failed at that. Last night I deamt about what I've been dreading, how much I'm going to look like a sausage in my wedding dress. An ivory white sausage.  And I'm tired of defending my depression over this to others who assume I'm going to quit because I've failed.  I'm just frustrated. It's absolutely maddening to make so much effort and get no results, inches or lbs.
Also, cant remember if I mentioned here, but I upped my calories back to 1400. I really feel I wasn't eating enough at net 1200.



also:

The more I come to understand about nutrition and calories, the more I wonder at the dietary changes my doctor put my on for my cholesterol a few years ago. It was high enough to need medication, but really had barely made the cut for needing meds to help lower it. There are plenty of foods I understand why I needed to cut back on, but now my mind reels at the fact that they put me on a flat 1200 cal diet. They told me to exercise too, and really, I understand now why I didn’t lose weight, I wasn’t eating enough. I was exercising 3-5 days a week back then, but the drastic change and the massive calorie restriction really screwed me up. Back then I was still smoking so I had that when I ran out of calories, and I did come to love tea, but wow. I’m appalled now they didn’t refer me to a nutritionist to help lower my daily intake and come up with diet changes that would work for me. Half of the things on the sheet they handed me I won’t eat, or couldn’t afford to eat. The other half, I already ate. Add that to not getting enough food [I remember being constantly hungry, and miserable back then.], it’s no wonder that in 6 months I only lost 30 lbs. I have mentioned before that my doctor really screwed me up by telling me I was on the verge of a stroke or heart attack as a scare tactic to get me to change my health.
/end rambling

Wow

Today's Weight: 206.9
 Difference: -1.7
Total Difference:  -4.3
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I can't believe Saturday will be my last day of the Body Revolution. Even with the week delay, I can't believe it's over. Full review later, but part of me wonders if my fitness has improved at all O.o
I finally, after many delays, made it back to gym yoga with my MIL this past Sunday. My god that felt good. I was so sore the day after, it's amazing how out of yoga shape I had gotten. It's a tad awkward doing it with my MIL because she seems to give up very fast. I don't understand not holding on just a second longer... find out how long you can go, etc. But whatever, she likes to go with me so yay.
Time to get back to cleaning...

Musings

Today's Weight: 208.6
 Difference: -0.1
Total Difference:  -2.6
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It's weird how I knew 3 months ago I would be exactly where I started when I reached the end.
I need to figure out what in my diet isn't working for me, because I know I'm doing good in the exercise department. It's also frustrating because I have 4 other stoach to deal with when it comes to feeding mine. Mom has gastric bypass restrictions [that she loves to ignore], Dad's body favors South Beach, the Fiancee only has to stop eating fast food for a month to drop 15 pounds, and the MiL is constantly changing what she will or wont eat.
I know I want to start eating more vegeatables again, they seemed to have slipped out of my diet. I don't eat tons like I used to and I miss it. Not that that ever seemed to help me lose weight.


At the end of my week 12 I will put up the progress photos I took, even though it won't be a transformation. I know I've failed and all I can do is try some more.
I don't know what to do for exercises after this, since my hope of being down a dress size or 2 for my fitting in August is dashed. I know I want it to be intense [great idea in the summer right?] But I think I want a small break before I do Body Revolution again. I want it planned now so I can just keep going, doing.  Because Body Revolution is wonderful. I may not be those awesome success stories I was desperately hoping to be,  but hell if I'm not stronger than I was.  I will whole heartedly recommend it to anyone who has the slightest interest.

WednesdayWeigh In is Back

and I forgot to post yesterday, so here it is a little late.

Today's Weight: 208.7
Difference: +0.2
Total Difference:  -2.5
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Starting all over again sucks.
I still believe I chose the wrong month to step away from the scale,even if it was good to do so in general.  I'm also somewhat in shock that fast food can really make that much of a difference. I think I'm glad I like to cook. I'm starting to wonder if I should try making most of my carbs  come from veggies. I've been reading how this is a recommended thing for those with period issues.
Anywho, next week is the final 2 weeks of the Body Revolution. I feel fttter than when I began, even if I haven't lost gangs of weight and gained some back. There are some moves that are so much easier for me to complete than at the beginning.
I so want to do this all over again.

Previewing My Last 2 Weeks

It looks...scary fun. I know now I will be sweating hard. I can't believe I've gotten this far. Even if I haven't gotten far.  I hate having to fight for every single pound, what seems like harder than most people, but 6 weeks of less than perfect eating gains me 5-6 pounds. I was still exercising, active, just gah!
I so want to do phase 2 and 3 over again, but I don't know if I should do that later and keep to my 30DS intense I want to do. I hate feeling so indecisive.
Also, I may not be finished, but I definitely recommend Body Revolution.

Right now on Mondays/Thursdays disc I get to do 'Boat pose hold, hollow man hold, boat pose hold, hollow an hold, boat pose hold' and I can do it without needing to drop! I am so proud of myself.

Review of Phase 2

Phase 2

Workout 5:
Ease: 3.5/5
Length: 35 min
[My] Avg Cal: 290

Workout 6:
Ease:3/5
Length: 32 min
[My] Avg Cal:  263

Cardio 2
Ease: 3.5/5
Length: 31 min
[My] Avg Cal: 281.2

Workout 7:
Ease: 3/5
Length: 35 min
[My] Avg Cal: 248

Workout 8:
Ease: 3.5/5
Length: 34 min
[My] Avg Cal: 255


I enjoyed the first half more than the second half. They were all challenging and fun, but for some reason weeks 5&6 were more fun for me.
in general, it was challenging for the level I've previously been at without making me feel like i was completely out of my element.  I was sad to be done with it because there was some moves that were new and I wanted to master. Of course, there were some I hated. A note to those with limited space, there are certain moves in the last 2 weeks that needed at least 5 feet across and  4 feet wide [aprox]. It was not enough to just turn sideways in a narrow space.

No Weigh May Results

Beginning:
Weight: as of 4/25 203.2
Bust: 43
Underbust: 35.5
Waist: 40.5
Hips: 52.5
Upper Arms:  L- 16 R- 15
Thighs: L- 28 R- 27
Calves: L-16.5 R- 16.25
End:
Weight: as of 6/6  208.5
Bust: 42
Underbust: 35.5
Waist: 40.5
Hips: 52.5
Upper Arms:  L- 15.75 R- 14.75
Thighs: L- 28 R- 27
Calves: L-16 R- 16.25


So in the end, I may have triumphed by not stepping on the scale for 31 days, but in the end I needed it to keep me in check because I wasn’t aware of how much I was letting things slide. Of the 5 weeks I didn’t weigh, I exercised 4, needing to postpone a week’s worth of exercise for what felt like good reason. Still does. In those 5 weeks, I ate out more than I normally do, especially in the last 2 weeks, where I had fast food nearly every day. Most of those times I made healthy choices, as much as you can at fast food. A few times I indulged in naughtier foods because I still don’t believe in restricting foods.  In general, I feel it was the up-kick in fast food and alcohol consumption that contributed to the pound a week gain. [I’m going to check tomorrow, I had Chinese food last night and I don’t know how screwy it made my weight today.]
So I’m going to make it a point to kick ass in June and really buckle down.

I will post my review of Phase 2 in a little bit.

Sorry for my absence the last two weeks I was working alot and didn't have much time for blogging.