Monday, January 30, 2012

Fit Test

I decided as a way for me to see progress  [or not] at the end of each month to try out bodyrock's fit test, as seen here.
Today's scores:

Squat Jump  36 [27 modified, 9 real]

Push Ups [girl]  22

Burpees 13

High Knees 34 ea

Switch Lunges [modified]21

Tuck Jumps 21

Straight Abs [modified] 20

Yeesh I hope those numbers change

I also decided to see how I'm coming along on my goal to do a one minute plank again, and I went 25 seconds before pushing into down dog for a second, again at 45 seconds, and a third time at 6 seconds. So, a little ways off. I haven't been practicing a simple plank lately, and I now see I should.

Time to go sweat with Jillian.

Smoke signals

It's funny, but I quit smoking by accident. As much as I have been into getting healthier, quitting wasn't something I was concerned with. Whole that seems the ultimate in backwards, but I have never been physically dependent.
I had 'quit' once before, at the height of my initial fitness kick when I found out about my cholesterol. Being around the smokers in my life around that time made me ill. Couldn't stand it, really, and I have always loved the smell. My grandmother smoked, I'm sure that's why. (but then, she didn't smoke weed and I like its smell. Don't look at me like that, my high school years were at public school) I don't remember when I started smoking regularly, just that I was a bit seasoned by the time I could legally purchase them. I may have smoked steadily for a few years, but it wasn't addiction. It was habit. A habit in the car, around those who smoked, but I often went days without one, without thinking about it. You see, my mother hates smoking. It contributed to my grandmothers death. At my home, I had to smoke on the front porch, though I think it qualifies as a stoop it's small, and before the backyard reclamation, the only place to go to smoke if I wanted one while at home. I found this too inconvenient, and my mother complained loudly anytime she came home and the porch smelled of smoke.
I eventually went back to smoking because of my knees and lack of exercise. Not to mention, I was often in two other households that smoked indoors (at the time) and the habit was already there.
Zoom to late spring-early summer of '11, where one household has moved to a permanent place of residence, and the fiancées mother forbade smoking inside. I think somewhere in there, I started smoking less. I didn't notice until August that I wasn't smoking anymore. When I did, I tried to start again, but weirdly, it hurt. I made a few attempts to start again, and each time it was like my lungs had never seen smoke. It hurt. I was quite miffed at this, because even though my body rejected it, certain actions that usually called for a cigarette made me long for one. In all this time, I cannot rid myself of the need to smoke whole doing certain things or being in certain places
Even after my nose became sensitive to smoke and I couldn't stand the smell of my fiancée after he smoked, or how going to my friends house which reeks of cigarettes now gives me headaches to be in for long, I still do something and think,'I need a smoke. '
The fiancée has quit, but only because it's an expensive habit. We are saving for many things right now, and he decided to quit. His quitting phase was hard, since I craved them being around his need for them.
I hope, one day , this is gone. Its very annoying.

Friday, January 27, 2012

they should write a play called hormones

Hormones are making me moody.  While my logical part knows weight loss takes forever, the rest of me is pissy about numbers staying the same everyday for 4 days. Last two days my water intake sucked but for some reason I've been craving carbonation. I have yet to decide if today should be a rest day,  I still don't know if I should be taking 2 rest days or just one. My Sunday is going to be active, and I plan on working out tomorrow too, so I could get away with not working out today, except that I'll feel guilty about it. I think I will do my bob abs and quick cardio. Short and different.

So after a few weeks of observation, I've decided to stop eating canned soup for breakfast. The sodium, even in reduced sodium soups, is too high. Plus, Alton Brown [a hero of mine, I love how he teaches cooking] put it on the no-no list. Of course, the several times a week list has oily fish on it and I hate oily fish.
So I will once again be consuming oatmeal in the mornings. I need find low cal ways to jazz it up since Nutella may be yummy but not low in calories. They say repeating meals makes life easier, and doing soup certainly did help. Except that sodium thing.

I really am enjoying my heart monitor, it's really helping me see which of my workouts are burning more calories, and which are better for strength and toning. In fact, the yoga dvd I was planning on using during my shred month is good for just that. While doing it and using the HRM earlier this week, I found that the watch kept beeping because my heart rate was hovering at the edge between the fat/fitness zone and I have the settings so that it beeps at me so I know I've transitioned. It got quite annoying.

I recently downloaded this yoga app for use in Florida, it's really awesome. Think I'll use it next month too when I'm away from home.
Oh and last night we ordered this swimsuit for Florida, hope it doesn't make me feel too self conscious.
This looks like an awesome workout.
hmm how else can I put off packing for the weekend....?
Have a good weekend everyone.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Wednesday Weigh-In

Today's Weight: 209.5
Difference: -1.1
Total difference: 1.7

To quote Bridget, I'm feeling pretty low.  Sunday I had dipped to 208.5,  was so excited about seeing some number really moving, but the next day it shot back up and I couldn't seem to exercise it back off :|
7 weeks, no results, so I know I must be doing something wrong. I haven't figured it out yet, and since my diet needs to be strict now that my cholesterol is back up, I don't know how I'm screwing it up but I am.  Not only have I not lost weight [since those numbers are normal flux], I've gained some inches in my stomach and hips.
By the 6 month mark I think I will go to my doctor with my records [I keep written records of my exercise and eating habits/calorie intake] and see where to go from there.

Also, not only is it that time of the month, but I have wisdom teeth moving and blahhhhhh may I please go to bed?

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Join Me! Details

Hi there! If you're someone who here because they're interested in joining my challenge of completing Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred, here's a few things to know.

First off, you'll need the dvd or similar [netflix, etc]
The program has 3 levels, and it is my goal to complete 10 days of each level. It is also my goal to attempt to only do the modification moves for the first 5 days of each level before challenging myself to advance.  I will post a summary at the end of each segment, and a cumulative report within 3 days of completing the program.
I will also be posting before and after pictures. The only supplemental exercise I will be doing is 30 minute walks [which is done in support of my mother, so that won't stop], and yoga 3 times a week, because my practice is a great source of much needed anxiety release.
To any and all who are participating, please contact me and let me know you've joined in! At the end of 30 days, for those who would like, they can either guest post their results or just have their results posted in a list with others.
I will be starting February 12 and ending March 13. [yes the dates are off by a day in the invite]
It will be hard, but it's always fun to see a challenge through to see what you're capable of!
Feel free to pin and tumbl my invitation :) Just link back to me.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Ridicoulously Excited

I hate working out, mmkay? I almost never get that nice endorphin rush everyone talks about.  I've charged my fiancee with helping push my butt to exercise when I'm lagging, and when he does it as the sweetheart he is... I whine, argue, pout, and have on occasion even kicked my feet tantrum style.
So someone please, explain to me, why I cannot wait to start my Shred month and kettlebell month? I'm freaking giddy about it, I want it to be here already! I'm not bored with my yoga, in fact I'm pleased as punch that my endurance and strength has returned to what it used to be. Last week, in fact, I was proud that I made it through both Yoga for the Warrior, and Yoga Meltdown without pausing. It happened all at once, because about 3 or 4 days earlier, I was still needing to pause so I could sip some water, or occasionally needed 5 seconds rest. While my chaturangas have gotten pretty in the last few weeks, making it through these dvds made me feel maybe I haven't been totally failing at my exercise.
No, I'm happy with my current rotation of yoga, my muscles feel it repeatedly.  I keep thinking,maybe I'm secretly hoping the 30 day shred will blast fat, but I can't tell. All the B&A's I've seen, most people tone up, not so much drop weight.  I do know, I am worried that only doing 30 minutes a day will be  an inadequate amount of exercise. Eek! I will still be walking in the mornings so perhaps it will be enough. [I'm also playing around with the idea of still doing yoga 3 times a week since I love my yoga practice]
But I've been looking around for a few days, and I keep finding new exercise routines I want to try.  I keep wanting to add a second 30-day shred, but doing a 2 times a day variety.... heheh I think I've just been inspired.
I know on Friday I found my determination.  Reading this made it kind of click for me. Also a good read [and makes me excited to start running] is this guest post.

Today was the first time using my new Polar HRM while exercising. I had it by Friday night, and exercised on Saturday morning but hadn't set everything up. Strangely, doing my Yoga for the Warrior today I did not sweat, nor did my heart pound as it has before. The sweat makes some sense to me, it's cold and raining. My heart rate, not so much. But I still burned more calories than I thought I was, I've been under-calculating on my livestrong.  And it was so neato, scrolling through my workout summary, it tells you how many minutes you spent in your 'fat-burning' zone, and in a fitness zone.  I know some feel the 'fat-burning' zone is bunk, but hell, I'll still use it.  Because I'm a dork, I did not know that HRM s had sensors you attach to your chest. For some reason I was under the impression they could read them from your wrist. So you can imagine how leery I was to wet something, strap it to my chest, and then attach an electronic device to said strap so close TO MY HEART. I admit, I was mildly terrified I might get electrified. It was not a sane assessment, but one I had none-the-less. In the end, other than  the occasional scratching and digging in random places on my chest, I forgot it was there. [I checked the face way too often because I had fun seeing my numbers] The only unforeseen drawback to my HRM is that to transfer my files to the computer... I need a separate piece of equipment to hook into your computer, sold seperately, which costs nearly as much as the HRM itself. I won't be paying for it, so I will manually copy them.

So back in 09, I gave myself 2 30-day challenges. The first was right before I learned my cholesterol was high, and had my doctor bully and scold me about it, telling me I was a candidate for a a heart attack and/or a stroke at any moment because it was so high, and I was so young.  This challenge was to not repeat an outfit for 30 days. I had fun, and did it again 7 months later, when I had lost roughly 30 lbs.  I'm contemplating doing another one, but I think it may be a bit much to do one at the same time of the shred, but my style blog has been sorely neglected. Something to ponder.

Well off to rest before I do Yoga Meltdown [to find out my HR of course :P]

Friday, January 20, 2012

Not Much

Not too much to say today. Last night was one of those nights that saw me scratching another thing off of my 'I never thought that would happen' list: My mother and I went bathing suit shopping together. As in picking out swimsuits for each other, trying them on in the same changing room, and exchanging them to see how they looked on each other. My mom was never one for swim suits when she was heavier, and I just can't give a damn about how disgusting other find me in bathing suits. And while Target had nothing available in the miniscule plus size department, some of the xl's in the regular bathing suit sections seemed to work. Mom found something, she looked adorable in it.  I didn't, so I think I'm going to dig around in the closet for the bathing suit I took to Tennessee in 2010.

I've found a few books about running that I'm having to remind myself to wait to buy, since I don't plan to start trying to run until mid April, hopefully I may have dropped a few pounds enough tha I can avoid doing damage to my knees.
Anyone out there have book suggestions? These are the two I've found and liked so far, Kara Goucher's Running for Women & Runner's World Complete Guide to Women's Running.

Oh and how neato is this?

One more addendum to my upcoming 30-Day Shred Challenge: I'm going to try to finally fully quit diet soda once and for all. 30 days, no soda. Tea,  water, milk.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Smile Darn Ya

Taking yesterday [mostly] off was a good idea. I definitely feel like I can exercise without tearing muscles today :D I also needed the mental downtime. Did do Bob's 15 minute abs because I still wanted to raise my heart rate a little for the day, and I tried out my new stability ball for a few moves. That thing I think will definitely be useful for toning and sweat-meter.
I have decided that after my month of 30- Day Shred I will be doing a rotation of  Jillian Michaels' Shred-it with Weights, Bob Harper's Kettle-bell Cardio Shred, and Bob Harper's Total Body Transformation. I may also sneak in a few times of the TBT before Florida as a way to apologize to my body for any wrongdoing I do while at the second happiest place on earth. [I'm a Disneyland loyalist].
I've done the kettle bell dvds before, I liked them. Doing even just 25 minutes with Jillian always felt like a great workout. There were maneuvers I never mastered, like the squat, jump-rotate, squat, jump-rotate, squat.... That always killed me.  After 4 weeks of  that I will decide how to shake up the work out routine.  I think planning 10 weeks in advance is enough for now.

Speaking of my 30-day Shred month, I would like to invite any of those who read or stumble upon this blog to join me. Start date is Feb 11, end is Mar 12. As part of my review/ self-inspiration, I shall take a picture Day 1 and Day 30. Well, and post it :P  I have no expectations, other than it will make me sweaty and sore and that I will curse at the TV.

So I have a few recipes I've stumbled on recently I thought I'd share.

Cajun Chicken Linguine Alfredo
Quinoa Risotto
Rosemary Garlic Chickpea Soup
Brussles Sprouts With Garlic and Cumin

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Wednesday Weigh-in and Brooding

Today's weight: 210.6
Difference: 0.6

Sleep did not seem to help.  In general today is shaping into a day I would like to spend in bed.
It seems that both of my parents, not just my mother, feels its unrealistic to hope that with enough exercise and possible weight loss my arms will loos a couple of inches.  After their pronouncement last night that I returned with an acid, "Thanks.", my mother became exasperated and told my father this was what she was talking about. I told her this was different, and that shes been making disparaging comments for a couple of months now. She rolled her eyes and Dad said nothing. I don't know if he was doing that because he agrees with me or her. I do know that hearing them both doubt my ability to shape up and slim down even the tiniest felt like having my feet swept out from me and then having a kick in the gut for good measure. It especially feels like this because they have been more than happy to buy me sports bras, a yoga mat, a stability ball, so why they should be Negative Nancies in words is ... hurtful. It feels like my ever present cheer-leading squad felt the need to quit the team because they're sure their team is losing.
I realize that in 6 weeks I've made no actual progress in losing any weight, and my mind keeps niggling that they have a point, I must not be able to do this. But I also know that I should still keep trying. But after last night I just want to curl up in bed for a day.

Another reason I'm having a day of blues is wedding planning. As in more and more is being taken out of my hands and made into something I don't want, and when I say it's not what I want I get treated like I'm being unreasonable and irrational. Since this is an issue that goes back to my childhood [being treated like this] it's a huge trigger for me to feel helpless and like shit. I'm not being a bridezilla, in any way, because saying, and meaning I want small and simple is the truth. Where the wedding is being held it cannot be anything other than small, and I have never wanted fancy, outrageous, etc.

In other news, I don't know what to do for exercise today. My rear end and thighs are sore enough that trying to stand up or sit down  is problematic, so I don't know if my Element yoga would be pushing it [which I'm sure it would be], but taking a day off feels like cheating. Perhaps today would be a good day for 15 minute abs? Perhaps I will, with some yoga tonight once my glutes and quads have had some more rest. I mean I did go on a 30 minute walk this morning. But my goal has been that my walks in the morning with my mom being strictly extra curricular  to my exercise regime.  Perhaps it shall be a semi rest day, in which I will do my 15 minutes, do my Wednesday cleaning [the fiancee has weekly dinners with my parents and I], and get back on the horse rested tomorrow. *end ramble*

Small grumble: sometimes I detest counting calories. with my new deficit, I'm left feeling hungry at the end of the day no matter how smartly I ate.  fill up on fiber? done. Don't forget my protein? Hard to do so, yet at the end of the day, I'm still hungry. I wake up feeling hungry. I feel guitly for feeling hungry. I feel guitly looking at my livestrong when things go into the red because "Your Recommended Daily Allowance based on a 2,000 calorie diet scaled to your calorie goal. Set Custom Nutrient Goals " which you can set only if you're a paying member, which I wouldn't mind being except I can't afford it. So the general nutrient goals may not be practical for me at all, but the glaring red seems to say YOU Effed UP at me.  I wish it would be so easy to eat a little something in the manner of "Eat when you're hungry."

Oh and if you like spicy/peppers, Fresh and Easy has a poblano and jalapeno pepper beef patties that are pretty tasty and filling. Pair it with some veggies [I roasted a bell pepper but really anything that's fibrous and filling] and it makes a good meal.

Have a good one, everyone.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


So funny thing. I got all excited about being on track and exercising, and decided that next month I would do Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred for the month so I could: 1, find out if it would really shred some pounds off [that up to 20 pounds is so alluring, and I know, hard to do], and 2, maybe write a proper review having properly used it [finally, y'know, after having owned it for over a year, being the second workout DVD I ever bought]. So last week I sat down with my phone to schedule it out. There are three  levels, and I wanted to do each one equally, when  I noticed something on my calendar. I didn't have 30 days. In fact, I had 29. Crap. Well, I was going to have rest days, right? I could make that day my last rest day. 
So I happily type in my rest days and start of level days, and move on. This sounds like it ended well yes? 5 rest days, 8 days on each level..... Except. Except.
My family has been planning a little trip, you see. Our once-in-a-lifetime family trip to DisneyWorld. It's been a dream of my dad's for years for us all to go on a week long trip to DW, and after coming into a tiny bit of money, it was made possible.  So about 6 months ago, maybe more, we booked flights, hotels, etc. For February. Which has been that off-in-the-distance future event for a long time, and with the holiday rush I forgot we were going completely. A few days later my dad mentioned it's pending arrival and I asked for specific dates so I could write them down [for any potential employers]. Opened the calendar on my phone, and panicked when I saw how badly this screwed with the schedule.
After having determined that the room would have no DVD player, and deciding against bringing my own form of player, I have decided I shall bring a swimsuit and use the pool for some exercise, and do some poolside yoga. My parents were both shocked I felt the need to try to bring the DVD with me, saying we would be walking around all day. But amusement park walking is walking, standing/shuffling in line, sitting, walking, rinse, repeat. You may be active, but it's not going to be burning any major mondo calories. It hardly compensates for all the salt etc that's in the Park's food.
So, in the end, I will be shifting to after our return to start my 30 Day period, and just have to live with my groove being thrown off.

In other news, I received my new Bob Harper DVD, which I will be previewing tomorrow. I'm not sure how, or when, I will be adding it to my mix-up, but I will.
Yesterday I ended up doing level 2 of Jillian's Yoga Shred, and felt like I was sweating less, and therefore like I cheated on my workout. My thighs were definitely telling me about some of the moves this morning, however :)
I'm also excitedly awaiting some awesome yoga pants and comfy shirt from, who have an excellent selection [not to mention priced] of athletic wear for plus sizes.
My biggest omigodcantwait is I finally decided to invest in a heart rate monitor. My mother feels they aren't all that useful, but she has never used one so I can't say she is an authority on this.

Speaking of, tomorrow, as part of my weigh in post, I shall post more in depth about how utterly defeated and  [mostly] alone I feel, and how my biggest opposition seem to be my parents, because after tonight I felt so fricking discouraged by their words I cried and felt like hiding away. I'm hoping sleep will give me some perspective on the whole thing. Right now I'm trying to be my own cheerleader. It's sort of working.

7 am comes all too soon!


How is it so easy to feel you are eating correct portion sizes, only to find out you were way off?
For the first time in a long while, I decided to count calories while at my fiancees instead of eye-balling the food and making healthier choices. Somehow I thought with all the healthier choices I've been making that I wasn't doing so badly on the weekends. I was W-R-O-N-G. On a whim, on Saturday I decided to put in my calories for the previous evening's meal after all.  His mom had decided to cook, and made what she calls hot dog casserole, which is bow-tie pasta, cut up hot dogs, onions, diced tomatoes, corn, and black beans. Let me just state for the record I have found a new hatred for all pastas and grains for one simple reason: the measurements are all dry. They are dry with nothing on the package indicating what 1 serving dry equals cooked. I ended up spending 45 minutes trying to find out how much bow-ties cook up to, and realizing that between what was served to me [a portion equaling the hugeness of my fiancee's who definitely eats more than I do normally, while she had something much more proper.] and the seconds I had because I was still hungry, and at 200 calories a serving.... 1200 calories. For a meal that still left me feeling hungry.
I was horrified. And annoyed. She feels she is eating more healthfully, and while she is for her, she still isnt paying attention to things. She also professes a hate of calorie counters, that she forget to use them and she hates feeling obligated to write everything down. I hate them when I realize I've overeaten when I wasn't trying to and read the label yadda yadda...
So I think I may have found the culprit. 4 nights out of the week [even when I do a majority of the cooking], I'm being sabotaged and sabotaging myself. 
I know this sounds like the biggest duh, but I guess there were a few baby step back to the path of health I forgot I needed.
I do think, on a off-topic, that my mother may kill me if I buy anymore tea before finishing what we already have. But flavors!!!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Confused, Bewildered....

I'm confused about which to choose, because it could be what's hindering me from any progress.
Part of's function is to take your height, current weight, weight goals, and give you a daily calorie goal. When I reset things a little while ago because I was restarting my health journey, on the menu that asks your activity level, I put myself at light activity.  I will share their definitions of the first 2 levels and my current dilemma:


Select if you work in an office or at home and sit most of the day. Even if you exercise a few times a week, you should track that information on separately on MyPlate

Light Activity

Select if you are on your feet throughout the day, at home or at work.

Now, I'm unemployed, as is a great deal of America, and definitely my state [and while I would love to have a job even flipping burgers, I don't speak Spanish so I'm not eligible for about 85% of the fast food jobs around here] . And since I lost my car 3-4 months ago, I'm at home most of the time. Now, there are days I'm doing not much, on my butt, doing internet-y type things and getting my exercise in for the day. There are other days where I spend a good deal of the day on my feet, doing laundry, dishes, taking out trash, picking up the house,  doing yard work, and getting my exercise in. So, when I clicked, I clicked on light.  My reasoning was if 3 days during the week when I'm at home I'm active,  and -12 days at the fiancees I was pretty active [cooking, cleaning, social stuff] that gives me 4-5 days of being active, and at the time I was, but things at my house have shifted to where I can't be as active as I'd like. My father is in the middle of some personal cleaning and reorganization projects that have spilled everywhere in the house. But I digress. When I first  got my calorie goal results, I was surprised, and happy. 1400ish? That sounded awesome. I didn't want to be restricted to 1200 calories like I had when I was on the cholesterol diet, it made me nutsy and feel like a failure everytime I did things right [lots of fiber, good protiens, etc]  and I would still feel starving at the end of the day. I also though, seeing that
1400, that there was no way they had subtracted 1000 calories off of my BMR, since last I had checked it was 1900 something. I figured they took 500 off and expected you to try and burn 500 every day through exercise. It had been awhile since I played with all the formulas and forgot all about the x1.2/1.375 etc.
They are also the only website to put activity levels like this,  because the others base it on how often you exercise .
So I'm wondering if I should tell it I'm a slug and only eat 1100 recommended, or if I should try to spend more time finding things to do around the house?

ED: I've lowered it down to 1100. I will be cranky, I know, but house work only covers so much :|
Also, it's confusing, but the website has you eat the calories you burn. At first I found this confusing but since they've already taken out 7000 from your week for 2 lbs, which is the recommended safe loss, they seem to want you to not over do.

So Jillian Michael's has a new workout out, what I believe to be a HIIT workout over at, which I tried out yesterday. Boy howdy did I bust a sweat and fast. I also desperately wished I had a heart rate monitor, because wow was my heart pumping.  I think I need to hold off on doing that again for awhile, because I woke up to having very angry shoulders.

Have a good weekend everybody!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Yoga Series

For fun

Wednesday Weigh-In

Today's weight: 211.2

So I had a random thought pop into my head this morning as I ate my breakfast. In Miss Congeniality, when she is going through her intense, over-night 'beautification', at one point she goes to grab a sandwich from the food table and is stopped by her coach and handed a peice of celery. My first thought about this this morning was, wow, that's kind've wrong in showing that she needs to conform in all ways to American standards of feminine beauty by saying she must keep to a strict diet instead of eating like she's a real human.
But then I had a take two: she's staying up all night and if she's going to be snacking when she normally wouldn't be ingesting food, isn't her coach helping her by handing her something decidedly more healthful than a sandwich? A sandwich that has salt and bread to make her bloated and backed up when she needs to be able to perform her job?
This was followed by a take 3: But since she is staying up all night and wont be getting the zzz's she needs, shouldn't she eat the sandwich with protein to give her body the fuel it needs?
Now, I know really none of this matters, since really the point of the interaction [and just after it] was to show how awkward everything is for her and completely alien.  But sometimes I think this how over-analyzing movies and shows happen and making mountains out of mole-hills when it comes to certain issues.
I'm not saying media doesn't contribute to skewed body images and ideals, but my personal opinion is it falls under the same category of parents wanting others to raise their kids. Things I was brought up to believe are a parent's responsibility to teach a child/discipline a child about are now common ground for media/schools/etc to get sued over.
My parents did their damnedest to discredit any media source defining beauty. They called it on its bullshit. My body issues stem from knowing, not thinking, that I'm overweight, and having doctors tell me I need to lose weight. Admittedly, I also had peers letting me know I was overweight, and that didnt help, but I tried to ignore it.

On a slightly related note, I tend to like the roles of Sandra's I've seen because she has characters who show things like emotion overeating, or alcohol abuse, or anxiety, real people, real issues. Even in Miss Congeniality, she turns to food. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Nabbed from pinterest.
5 weeks and no difference. I seem to be doing something wrong, hehe. My mom seems to have little faith  in my ability to loose weight. My shrug for the wedding showed up and I tried it on, and its tight in the arms, but I can still get my arms in all the way.  I feel, and my mother disagrees, that in 40 weeks of constant work I can get my arms down and inch and a half to fit correctly. She feels I'm being unrealistic because you can't know where weight will come off from, which I know is true, you can't predict where weight will come off.  She also feels I'm overeating an not aware of what I'm eating even though I've been tracking on my She and I are walking in the mornings [see over at Runkeeper ] because she want to loose weight she's gained back, and seems positive this alone can help [it seems when she did this with my sister a few years back] with weight loss. So I've been feeling discouraged and confused. Maybe my can-do attitude I'm trying to maintain is making her feel I have unrealistic expectations? I know very well my body won't cooperate the way I want, since I've been at this [and off too] since May 09.  I remember working out at home, learning about nutrition and muddling through and after 10 long hard months had dropped 50 lbs, then my knees quitting on me, and after 6 months I  had gained back 15,  and once my knees stopped hating me as much,  getting to use a gym and being frustrated at the lack of progress with resuming exercise, then stopping the gym because of car troubles and eventual loss.... I think I understand what it is to lose or not.

I'm frustrated. I will keep trying.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Well this weekend is certainly about picking yourself up when you fall down [hard off the wagon] and just keep going. Drinking heavily is, as we know, not conducive to weight loss and overall health. I have a tendency to kinda just keep going when I imbibe, which is why for about a month I've been having the dear fiancee pour for me - and cut me off. I haven't been drinking or thinking too much about it since I asked him to do this for me. However, Friday night was a bit of an exception.
My fiancee is one of the many that needed to move back in with his mother because of living costs v employment rate and pay in our part of the US. This has led, naturally, to many awkward and frustrating times. This past Friday night was intended to be a bit of alone time for the two of us, something we do't get much of. And while sometimes our alone time consists of nothing more than talking without interference, this night was definitely going to be a night of private time. This was not to be, as the minute he got out of the shower his mother came home early, and she began to say something as he hurried to his bedroom and he responded he needed to get changed and would be out in a minute. We were both frustrated, and decided it wasn't completely lost.  When it turned out his mother was not trying to talk to us through the door, but in fact talking to his younger brother and wife, I was a little more than mortified. I was also stuck in the bedroom, since my clothes were still with the rest of my things.  The fiancee obliged me by fetching my overnight bag, but I could feel my face burning as I left the room to go be sociable. I do not blush often, but I knew I was now. To give myself a moment to compose myself, I headed into the kitchen to make myself a drink.
For me, it seems, I should not drink on  an empty stomach, because I will joyfully feed myself on alcohol rather than food. And I did just that until his mother asked me an hour and a half later what we had decided to do for dinner. She informed me there was nothing to cook in the kitchen, which was not a surprise as she buys each meal makings individually. She opted for pizza for the 6 of us, which I ate more of what was delivered then was healthy.
The next day I paid for it, with a sensitive stomach and frequent trips to the bathroom to contemplate my naval.
This was coupled with the fact that plans changed for our weekend enough to mess with my schedule of getting in exercise, and made me feel as though I had failed. But it is Monday, and time to keep pressing forward.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

40 Weeks

Until I'm married. Yay!
Sometimes I wish losing weight really was no more than simple math.  Because if it were, I'd be at goal weight 2 weeks before my wedding. As is it, the [much] smaller goal I've set seems daunting and unattainable right now.

I have 69.5 lbs to lose to reach goal, so I need to burn 243250 = 38 weeks of hard work and always losing weight [of 2 lbs a week]

My goal of 30, because 30 seems attainable and only 10 more lbs than my lowest weight loss before I gained 20 back, is a total of  105000 calories = 15 weeks [@2lbs] [this is all just numbers in a perfect weight-loss world]

I have the feeling that 30 lbs is going to be more like 38 weeks. Now, since I already have my wedding dress, losing all of the weight I want to would not be the best idea since it can't be taken in that much.

I've gotten back into tea, which sounds like a phase but it's more I go through diet soda phases and return to tea and water. I have always loved tea and I'm drinking lots of green tea. Heck, I'm so excited that there are so many 'flavors' now.  I'm trying to eat more veggies [again] since I have a love of them, but a lack of car gets in the way of me grabbing more when we run out :(

Today I'm going to try out my new Yoga DVD Element Power Yoga which I'm very excited about. I have been rotating 2 dvds [and a book] for the last 3 weeks for my exercise, and it's good to feel my strength and endurance coming back. My other DVDs are Yoga for the Warrior and Yoga Meltdown, and the book is Slim Calm Sexy Yoga. Currently I've been shooting for doing the 15 minute ab workout on the days I do the Yoga meltdown, and a few sequences from the book, to total about 45-1:05 workout time spread over the day [the abs and book sequences at night and very relaxing and help me sleep well]. and on other days I shoot to do Yoga for the Warrior, which is an hour long. now I have the Element to add in variety and another hour long. There are some days where I only have time for  the 15 minute abs [which sounds lame, but 1, it's intense, and 2, at least I'm doing something to get my heart rate up], or only do the Yoga Meltdown without the abs and book in the evening. I've started tweeting my weight in the morning, which hasn't moved in the 3 weeks I've been working out 5 days a week. I'm also food diary-ing again over at again

I'm sure alot of you would like to argue and point out I'm not losing weight because yoga isn't for weight loss. This isn't true. There's various forms of yoga, some are more active and aerobic than others. Also Jillian? She does the yoga+aerobic movement [faster than most yoga classes] for those who don't have open schedules. I've used her yoga dvd's to lose weight before. Bob's too.  Because of my palpitations last[yikes] year I became hyper aware of my heart rate and everything I do in yoga raises it to the proper level, and you should see the sweat factor people.
I also found our recently when your muscles become more active and used they tend to retain more water than unused muscles.  Although, part of me has been hoping I'm replacing fat with muscle now that Im gaining some back....
Who knows :) I do know that I and going to keep going because I will always wonder if I don't try.
In February I'm going to start Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred and do it for 30 days, to mix things up. I'm hoping sometime later this year I will have lost enough weight to start running without the impact shredding my knees [my family and I suspect that playing ddr as heavy as I was on a hard surface instead of carpeting was what caused my knees problems]

Hope your new years are going well so far!