Where I check in

Hi.
I haven't been here for awhile, you may have noticed.
You see, I was ashamed. I have once again gained back everything I lost and then some. I'm angry at myself, at all the reasons that have contributed to it.
The stress of the wedding. The planning, the aftermath in which we had a second reception closer to home. The fact that I knew it would be stressful to live full-time with my MIL, but I have been drowning in it.
I know that alot of women complain about their MILs, but I now see why my husband reacts to her like he does. She responds to alot of situations with the maturity of a teenager, most likely due to the fact that not only was she playing with drugs in the 60s, she did it all over again in the 90s to deal with menopause. She will stay home for any reason instead of going to/back to work, and while really it's her business, it's hard for me because she doesn't like not having my full attention. It's exhausting to need to pay attention, talk, placate, etc for hours on end. I feel like I'm not even explaining it properly. All I know is being in this house feels poisonous. Recently, she has been waging a silent passive-aggressive war on me. She's mad we're moving far away in a month. She's angry I'm taking away the one son who doesn't blow her off. She's mad she's losing her captive audience.
Currently, I'm a home maker. I cook and clean. But I loathe being treated like I'm now responsible for the entire house. She doesn't cook, she doesn't do dishes when I cook, she leaves messes and expects me to clean them up. She lets her grandchildren make huge messes and doesn't have them pick up after themselves, nor do it herself. She doesn't take out the trash, just fusses that it's there. She doesn't keep food in the house, but will binge on our carefully budgeted food [his lunches], 'replace' it and binge on it but refuses to buy enough food to last 2ish weeks so when she comes home and asks me what's for dinner, I can make something.
Are these petty grievances? Because I don't think so. I married my husband, and we agreed to take care of each other. I didn't marry her, and I certainly didn't agree to become her live-in maid and chef.
So all that is rolling around, boiling inside. The only time it gets any kind of out is when my husband and I go on our evening walks and I shout it to the skies.
Now I know that it is ultimately my choice, but she has been the main reason I started drinking. It is a stupid response to stress, I know it. I can know it all I want, but the one drink to relax kept turning into 3 or 4 because I didn't realize that her plus my bipolar depression is a crappy way to be.
I stopped exercising. Between her flaking out and my own random goings on, we stopped going to the gym together, and I've yet to come to a balance between gym and home workouts. Right now I'm trying to do a squat challenge I found on Tumblr.

I'm not sedentary, as I said my husband and I go on walks, and there's always cleaning to do which keeps me up and at em.
But I know it's not enough. And because I know it's not, I feel shitty about myself because I make plans to exercise, and then don' do them. I either end up distracting myself with cleaning, or the MIL comes home for lunch and drains me emotionally, sometimes taking an emotional shit on me before she goes back to work, and I spend every minute of her lunch dreading her deciding not to go back.
I'm trying to fight my way out of the hole, I'm trying not to give up entirely on my health, because I know I deserve the respect to my body. right now it's walking up quicksand, but I know soon there will be something solid to stand on.
I don't know how often I will be back, but it will most likely not be happy entries until the end of the year.
Bright Blessings

Wave Hello

So I'm not going to do WWI until the end of the month. Between stress, constant travel, and my weekends being vastly different because of camping and food, my Weight has been bouncin around in a 7-lb space for the past month. It will be horrible until the end of the week, when it will get back to normal, then suck all over again. I'm however a little paicked my wedding dress will be a tad snug in 3 days.
Wow 3 days? I'm already disappointed I will be that sausage in white....
anywhos, I'll try to update a little more ofter

WWI Sabotaging Myself

Today's Weight: 203.3
 Difference: + 2.6
Total Difference:  -7.9
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Even though I survived the eating out all last week, I didn't survive the weekend well. I was really stressed out, for one, which I know doesn't help shed the pounds, and in general I just wasn't as good as I should have been. Risotto may taste good but it is not good for the waistline.
I feel like I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself from [re]achieving the 200-lb break. Between the not great diet choices in the past few days and the complete lack of feeling like exercising because of being some sort of sick, or idiotically leaving my Ri30 at one house and only kickboxing as a back up. I gotta say, Ri30 is full of interesting circuits, but I really, really feel like I'm not doing enough. I think I should have done this one first, I got used to longer workouts that drained me. I'm lost as to how to make these more challenging, or I guess just longer because they are challenging. Alot of it I recognize as going on to be in Body Revolution.
Must keep plugging on, I need to get this done.
Can't wait til after the wedding when I can go to the gym more.
Gods 3 1/2 weeks. Suddenly I feel like we have no time left to do any of the rest of the details. Trying to not stress about that too.
Enough rambling :)

WWI, a busy week

Today's Weight: 200.7
 Difference: - 2.5
Total Difference:  -10.5
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I'm surprised that my numbers went back down, I ate like crap this weekend and I had went to a birthday dinner at Red Robins last night. and I have another Birthday dinner tomorrow too. Perhaps they went down because I was horribly sick the last two days, not that I barely ate. In fact monday I was so sick all i could do was lie around feeling terrible. Yesterday I managed to exercise but I barely put my effort into because I still felt poorly.  I'm just going to keep going at it like I always do, good or bad, yay.
So between birthdays and working on the weekends, good luck to me in the next few weeks, especially that silly thing called getting married in 5 1/2 weeks ;)

WWI

Today's Weight: 203.2
 Difference: + 2.9
Total Difference:  -8.0
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I'm totally flabbergasted by those numbers, my weight held just fine this weekend, and here I have a big gain. Annoyed beyond belief.
 Started Ripped in 30 yesterday, seems decent. I don't know if my burn was really good because it was a new exercise routine, or if even week one will kick butt. I'm liking how basic it is, though, because it's something familiar and I don't spend half the workout flummoxed on doing certain moves.
I should prolly get to that...

Extreme Shed and Shred BnA and mini review

I really dislike that my belly nose refuses to go away
Couple of things: My after picture was taken after a large breakfast so I don't know if it's an accurate depiction of my progress. I will take them again Friday and compare.  I know too 4 pounds may seem measly but every pound counts as progress to me. Also, my original plan to do 2 weeks of the combined levels was foiled by my own self, by forgetting my dvd at the MIL's, so my last week was of Yoga and kickboxing.

So, Extreme Shed and Shred.
Level 1 is 42 minutes long including warm up and cool down, with 6 minutes of warm up.  It contains 4 circuits, each 4-5 moves completed twice.  Each circuit is good for keeping your heart rate up towards 85%, and the mix of things to do kept me from being bored. The cool down is long, ending in shavasanna  for a few minutes.
Level 2 is 52 minutes long and features the same warm up and cool down. This level features 5 circuits, and is a bit slower paced than the first level. It still gets you sweaty with, as Jillian says, heart gargling goodness, but still a little more low key than level 1. The extra circuit left me cursing at Jillian when she starts the second to last circuit, it made telling myself 'You're half way through, yay!' etc less effective.
Levels 1 & 2 is 1hr20min long, featuring the same warm up and cool down. This is  NOT for those who are newer to working out.  The length is for those who have been pursing fitness for awhile. It is something to work up to. That being said, this combined version still stops in the middle for brief respite, but while level 2 is lower key, by the time you hit circuit 7 you will be wondering why you thought this was a good idea. By the end of the cool down though, it will feel definitely worth it.

A few thoughts:
-Either level by itself is fine to do everyday, as suits your fitness needs
-The combined levels should be alternated with something like kickboxing or another short cardio session.  From personal experience, day after day of it will not give you enough rest in between.
-I highly recommend eating a protein bar, shake or something like greek yogurt immediately after.  The days I didn't I had bad blood sugar crashes, and felt sore for longer. This may be just me and my fitness level, but it's what I would recommend.

See you tomorrow for my weigh in!

WWI, oopsies

Today's Weight: 200.3
 Difference: - 2.8
Total Difference:  -10.9
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So my last week of this month got a little screwed because I left Extreme Shed and Shred at the MIL's. I realized it after I got home Monday, after not being able to exercise for various reasons. I spent all yesterday planning my time around the hour and twenty minutes it takes to complete it, and about an hour before the designated time, I remembered it wasn't here for me to use, so I had to survey what I had. At first I still wanted to do at least an hour's worth, so I turned to my Bob dvds. I ended up deciding against all 3; since my kettlebell is still at my fiancee's, I didn't feel like trying to modify with a dumbbell, and the confined space of my bedroom does not lend itself to some of the moves in Total Body Transformation. I wanted to save yoga for today,  because yes I sweat ad feel good, but since I hadn't had a good workout since Friday, I wanted something that really got my heart rate up. Looking at my Jillian dvds, I decided I still wanted to save my Ripped in 30 for next month, still no kettle bell, so I went for the ass whooping of Kickboxing. I'm sad I wont get to finish this month with the ES&S but oh well.
I was also annoyed to find that part of my heart rate monitor is missing. Livestrong's calculator never seems on for me, either too low or too high. I need to find the missing piece because for me, the HRM is a very helpful tool.
It will also be helpful to find out if I need to supplement Ri30 with kickboxing,  since the stepping up to 1:20:00 seems to have agreed with me. I want to go back to just 1:00:00, since the last 10 were always the longest because I had so little left.

Ratatouille
Mediterranean Salad
Pumpkin Ginger Waffles

Declaration

I'm going to say something frowned upon in the fitspo world:
I do not love my body.
For me, I do not subscribe to the popular saying that if I don't love my body now when I lose weight I won't love it then.
I'm not saying this is a wrong thing to strive for, but I'm sorry, it's not for me.
I love me. Ok, that took years. But I do, I love me, I love my personality, but no, I don't love this body I'm in. I'm working on changing as a sign of love to myself, I want my health. I detest my body's current state because it represents years of self abuse. I used food in all the wrong ways, purposely ignored opportunities to learn about health and how to change my ways. It represents years of self perpetuating hate, hate the body, hurt the body. I couldn't learn to love me because I fell into the trap of body is worth.
Now, I see a body I'm not happy with and I use it to get my butt moving because there are days, especially heat wave days, I have no desire to work out. But I look at myself and know if I don't like what I see, I need to change it. I can't complain about this body if I'm not willing to work on it. I will work out the rest of my life because I chose to make that my life style.
I also no longer hate myself for not working out when I don't get to and or/put it off. I don't hate myself when my diet is not my ideal. I forgive myself and move on. I don't need that negativity in my life anymore.
One day, I will like my body, and then love it, but for now, I want my health back.

WWI WTF

Today's Weight: 203.1
 Difference: + 0.7
Total Difference:  -8.1
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 I'm annoyed and bewildered at this number. I survived vacation with my weight not going up, I was damn pleased. But the 2 days following my return, in which I ate very well, my weight has shot up. Not only that, I started on the third phase of me using Extreme Shed and Shred, which in the end is 80 minutes of working out, warm up and cool down. I did it 2 days in a row and boy am I sore. I think I should've taken a break with a shorter level yesterday. I am hoping desperately that this weight gain is nothing more that water retention from my muscles trying to recover. Hope hope hope. Of course, I also worry about water retention from the fun bit of life that is PMS, cuz god, another month has gone by. I hate that my period messes with my numbers.

I will be taking a break today. I can tell my soreness is at the point that I need a rest. I'm debating between a short 20 minute kick boxing session, or if my day's chores should be enough. I think I'll see after lunch.

WWI, Vacation

Today's Weight: 202.4
 Difference: 0.0
Total Difference:  -8.8
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I'm disappointed, but not really surprised by this week's numbers. I had been so hoping to continue my losing trend, but I'm guessing my break from routine this last weekend really screwed me over.
To top it off, I leave for a 4-day vacation tomorrow. I don't get to have my healthy, happy food. My parents didn't ask for my input on food. I dread to think how bad my weight will be by the time I return Sunday night. I'm bringing an exercise dvd, and there should be plenty of walking and hiking this weekend, so I really hope it won't be too bad. My lack of loss is really bumming me out.
I'm also trying to learn to do more push ups. They make me feel so week, in the core and arms :( Which I know isn't true, but damn are they hard.
 Since I forgot to factor in the vacation for my plans for the Shed and Shred, I guess I only get a week and a half of the combined levels, grr. But it's not practical to try it in a cabin shared with 8 other people. I'll be doing kickboxing, since they are 20 minutes and easy to fit in. Again, hiking and walking lots.
I didnt take progress pics this week, and I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't try next monday either since I'll be coming back from vacation.
I also blanked that starting the last weekend this month, my weekends are no longer available to workout with my dvds. That whole camping, lack of power thing. But I should be able to be very active on the weekends.
But I'm not going to worry about planning it til the beginning of next month.
Need to go pack.

WWI and Wedding Dress update

Today's Weight: 202.4
 Difference: -1.8
Total Difference:  -8.8
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Well the fitting went ok. Everyone was talking about my weight loss, and how you could see it. I dont see it, and yes I have pics to compare. Blah... Although having your friend demanding that you lose no more weight before the wedding is annoying beyond belief. My weightloss is hard enough without the idea that i shouldnt lose too much. oi. I told my mom the most I could lose before the wedding is 8 more pounds. Of course, since I had to have some of it taken in, Im so terrified I'll gain weight back. Stupid brain monsters, I refuse to gain back weight.
I truly think that 1400 net was the best choice I made. :)
I've been wondering though how much the cutting down on starchy carbs may be helping, It's been about 3 weeks; its been 5 weeks since I have had more than a sip of a mixed drink.  I'm still out about how I think that's affecting my wieghtloss

All healthy baby

NSV, What would I say

Yay, I have a non scale victory today, I tried on my 16s and I can button them without forcing it. So freaking excited, I felt this day would never come. They are 16 misses, which I believe, I could be wrong, are the same as 16w's . But to me, it still counts, since my mom always said they were just shaped to accommodate hips better, and I have got hips, always have. So yay yay yay!

I keep thinking of things I would say to my younger self, when it comes to health. I spent high school miserable about myself, my size. These days I keep thinking I'd love to be that small again, and I wish I knew then some of what I knew now.  Like how the weight I was at wasn't that bad, and if I worked on it I could lose it. I want to go back to my younger self and tell her no matter how tasty top ramen is, I shouldn't spend the summer eating 2 of them a day. I want to tell her she shouldn't eat 3 of the posado chimichagas, and really I should bring my lunch to school instead of giving up making them. Or that I shouldn't have stopped walking the 2 miles home, I could make a game of sprinting and walking to see how far I could go.... I initially stopped walking home because of half baked suicidal thoughts of jumping in front of a car. Then I was just lazy. I would tell her breakfast would help with that hunger I felt as I lazed around campus hours after school let out.
And then I wonder how much would be changed in my life if I knew all that then? I was a freshman 11 years ago.  My life has already radically changed in 5 years, and that was without future self coming and talking to me.
But I know it now and I try to make the most out of what I learn, and have learned.

Enough rambling and musing, off to exercise. Which I have been putting off because eek.

WWI, Explorations

Today's Weight: 204.2
 Difference: -2.0
Total Difference:  -7.0
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Today is the start of..... Extreme Shed and Shred!  I will be taking some measurements in a bit to compare in 4 weeks. and this will be a busy month. Because of that, I will only be holding myself to 4-6 days of exercise, instead of 5-6 days and feeling guilty if its not six.
Currently, the plan is to do Level 1 for a week, Level 2 the next, and for the last 2 weeks do the combined video. oh the finger biting of change.
I'm so glad I'm not s sore today, yesterday and Monday evening I was dang sore, due to 2 workouts [my last day of mini shred, and a JM kick-box session] on Monday and being sore from yoga on Sunday, we did poses that made my ribs hurt.
September will be the month of Ripped in 30.
Also, I will be getting a new scale tonight. Yay!

Today I will be experimenting with vegan baking. I've done some vegan cooking, today will be baking. Not only will it be good to find more alternatives, I might find some recipes my parents ca use this upcoming faire season. I also have a few recipes from  SCD diet, because I'm trying to find tasty ways to replace how much starch and grain based flours is currently in my diet. Not all, but yeah.

 On today's list to make:
Vegan Brownies  [might someday make them with almond flour, or brown rice flour]
Raspberry Almond Cake  [made with black berries since I couldn't get raspberries]
Protien Truffle Bombs

Food!

Chicken with Mushrooms, and zucchini pasta.

Soon I will upload all the pics of food I've been eating lately. 

Until then, here's some recipes:

chocolate peanut butter magic

Anything from this blog

chocolate peanut butter cream pie

Chicken with Mushrooms

Spicy Chipotle Chicken Enchilada

Zesty Lemon Carrot Salad

Pasta with Tomato and Almond Pesto

Bright blessings!

Today's Mantras

A little obsessed

So.... I own two new Jillian DVDs. I went to Target looking for Ripped In 30, and found Extreme Shed and Shred, which I had been wanting as well. An examination of the nearby end cap held the originally sought DVD, and at 10 bucks apiece I got them both. I had been curious about Ri30 because some of the reviews I read said she was mean, unprofessional and had very inappropriate language. Since the preview for it seemed good, I wanted it for the exercises. I was half way through previewing the first level, before I realised the cussing I'd read about seemed to not be there. Not to mention, Jillian didn't seem to be mean, just her usual tough love, stop making excuses self. When level 1 was done I re-watched it and found the only cuss word was ass - as in badass.
ES&S seems fun.
Now I'm in a dilemma. Both seem like good options to start next month, since I'll be done with my mini shred tomorrow. I know I can still do the mini shred with my 12s but now I'm wondering if that will be progressing too fast. 8s still offer some challenge. They both came with meal plans I'll be looking into, since I know I like a lot of her recipes. I actually kind of miss being part of her site, and my MIL says you can now track exercises by DVD if it's one of hers. Cool.
But what to do? I like doing month long programs, but since I already had a plan am I flaking on myself? Or is the fact that I'm exercising the point, even if I change the plan?
I'll ask my fiancée what he thinks.

Also, much rejoicing for my MIL has replaced her 10 yr old scale with a new digital one. It does body analysing and according to it, my bone density is 7.1% of my body weight. According to the booklet, that's high. I've always said there's such thing as big bones, hehe. I also retain lots if water. How fin
Sleepy time, goodnight.

WWI, Rocking Shoulders

Today's Weight: 206.2
 Difference: -1.4
Total Difference:  -5.0
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Hmmm, k personally I think .5 of that is water weight, yesterday I weighed in at 205.7 and today my fingers are a tad swollen. Just keep swimming! I really hope to break 200 by the end of August.
I'm going to be trying something for the next week/until the end of my mini shred. In the mornings at my parent's house, I'm going to within 15 minutes of waking up do [and did this morning, it was a great wakeup]:
5 Lunge Jumps ea leg
8 Weighted Burpees [with 12's! 6 months ago I couldn't do more than 3 regular burpees in a row!]
Cable Punches, 30 sec ea leg
3 Long Jumps [1 long jump, 3 short back jumps]
10 Push Up Jacks


I think a tiny bit of cardio in the morning maybe a good thing. Guess I'll see in a week or two. I still intend on doing the second mini shred with the bigger weights after this, but if the morning cardio doesnt seem to be working out I'm going to add in some Jillian kickboxing, I know I got results with that, and I miss doing it. I need to get the dvd back from my MIL, who I don't think has really used it since I lent it to her. I like me some short intense workouts. I have a few written down too, might try that too. Ahhh so many options to be active.

Also, I'm very impressed by my shoulders/back:

I'm getting my fantastic back back! The muscles are really starting to show again, at least in the upper area. Whoo-hoo. I do hate that pictures seem to be doing no justice to my biceps, they are getting harder and more defined. Oh well, I know theyre there

Hope you're having a good day!

BL, Weight, and Zucchini

Its annoying, while watching the Biggest Loser from the beginning, how many people think that when they're upset and their trainer says 'lets go workout', that they feel punished. none of them seem to get that they're being shown a new way to deal with stress. Instead of eating, they can exercise.


Today was one of those sucky days, where I was feeling good about my weight and body so I feel it's a good time to take progress pics. Well, there seems to be no difference since the end of my Body Revolution. It felt like such a blow, I'm feeling good, haven't been drinking, working out [as well as tackling a huge cleaning project with good results], making good food choices, and the weight seems to be taking its time going away, but it has gone some. So to see that I'm not making a difference like I felt I had. Oh well, again, won't stop me from doing what I should be. Just feels crappy.

I have finally made zucchini pasta, and mm mm tastes good. Totally want to make a lasagna with zucchini for  the noodles and see how it turns out.

See you for my weigh in in a couple of days

Grr

Today's Weight: 207.6
 Difference: +1.1
Total Difference:  -3.6
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This weekend was a difficult one for me in terms of food. I ate out way more than usual.  Now I still made good choices for most of the eating out. And on Sunday, my breakfast after yoga was good....until my MIL ordered a plate of hash. I decided to eat just a spoonful of it... which turned into half the plate.  Whoops, apparently a red-light food. Before that I had oatmeal with a side of 2 eggs, I felt so good. And dinner that night was at The Old Spaghetti Factory, which I ate half of my pasta dish, but ate a plate of broccoli and had some of the starters ordered. So yeah, I'm thinking there's some water weight going on. Plus, I salt loaded yesterday because I'm working in the heat again. This is not an excuse, I should have made better choices and had a little more self control. I just hope next week will have better results.

Today is the start of Level 2 on my mini-shred. Yay!. well, actually, whaaaaa! I hate level 2, and now I'm doing it with heavier weights. Oh well, only way to be done with it is to go through it.
Between the big cleaning project, the regular cleaning, and needing to workout, I'm going to have a busy day!
Finally found a decent exercise short last night, even though it's a tad longer than I wanted it. I don't understand why they seem to think the fat people don't need/want shorts for the summer. All the shorts available seem to be the booty volley-ball/basketball shorts. I like wearing something to my knees, thanks.
But yay Walmart came through.

Phase 3 Review

Phase 3

Workout 9:
Length: 36 min
Ease: 4.5/5

[My] Avg Cal: 293

Workout 10:
Length: 34 min
Ease: 4/5


[My] Avg Cal: 301

Workout 11:
Length: 35 min
Ease: 5/5
[My] Avg Cal: 314

Workout 12:
Length: 35 min
Ease: 4.75/5
[My] Avg Cal: 314

Cardio 3:
Length: 33 min
Ease: 5/5
[My] Avg Cal: 308

First off, the cardio is a bitch and I hated doing it. It seemed more like 2 steps up, not one.
Weeks 9 & 10 were nicely challenging, very good about making me feel like I'd progressed.
Weeks 11 &12, were hard. I mean kill-you hard, but at the same time, it flew by. I was sad about making it to the end, I wanted to keep doing those weeks.
Warning, this phase is not great for those with knee issues. There isn't an issue with modifying to suit your knees, but you have to do it alot.
Also, while it may seem corny,  I definitely say listen to and believe in Jillian's cool down speeches in Workouts 11&12. It's a great pick-me-up

Exercise Plan and WWI

Today's Weight: 206.5
 Difference: -0.4
Total Difference:  -4.7
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[I skipped the 4th of July's weigh in because it was celebrated away from my regular scale, the other one is too unreliable]


So I have a very... odd workout schedule for the next few weeks. I started too late in the month to do the 30DS in full*, and also, I wanted to work in my Sunday yoga classes.  Getting a good rhythm on the weekends right now to workout is proving difficult, which is why I have decided to not try to do 2 workouts in one day on Sundays.
So indeed, it's more like a 18-day routine.
5 days on each level and a yoga class, for 6 days of workouts. Today is day 3 of level 1.
I have kicked it up a notch by upping my weights to 8. I'm hoping that if the 18-day thing goes well, I can repeat it again with my 12s. Upping the handweights has made a difference. Level 1 always seemed somewhat easy, the 8s make it challenging again. I kinda dread doing it with 12s, hehe.
Have a good weekend!

*before the dress fitting at the beginning of next month

Body Rev Results

 

These look like poor results and not a good plug for the program, right?

That's somewhat true. These pictures do not adequately illustrate a few things. For one, those pants became looser, especially in the tummy.  2, my arms became alot stronger, more muscled . 3, my endurance shot through the roof. 4, I graduated from 5's being a challenge, to using 8's, and now have 12's to challenge myself. I never thought I could get up to 12's.

So why the poor results?

I'm not sure. I mean, I lost no weight the first month, but 1 the first 2 weeks were not particularly challenging to my fitness level, 2 I may have been building muscle. Phase 2 included my diet going into a tailspin because of my job. I don't eat much fast food, because everything that sounds good to eat is too high in calories, and that makes eating out a bummer. However, out of necessity, I began eating out several times a week. Also, my drinking....got heavier than expected on the weekends. I had a no weigh in challenge going, which helped me not see what the drinking and fast food were doing, not that the fast food could be helped a majority of the time. I gained 5 lbs. Which leads to Phase 3, where I barely shed that which I gained in phase 2.  

I expect that my second time around with this will be much more satisfactory.

I will still recommend it to anyone. I'm not a success story, and it's my on fault.

Phase 3 review later

There again

Yeah, I'm sure hormones are contributing, but I can't stop bumming over how much I have failed. I failed in my goal to be a dress size down by my august fitting. I failed in my goal to lose weight in general.  May not have failed the goal to make exercise part of my life, but seriously bummed that apparently my diet sucks worse than I thought it does.  So I failed at that. Last night I deamt about what I've been dreading, how much I'm going to look like a sausage in my wedding dress. An ivory white sausage.  And I'm tired of defending my depression over this to others who assume I'm going to quit because I've failed.  I'm just frustrated. It's absolutely maddening to make so much effort and get no results, inches or lbs.
Also, cant remember if I mentioned here, but I upped my calories back to 1400. I really feel I wasn't eating enough at net 1200.



also:

The more I come to understand about nutrition and calories, the more I wonder at the dietary changes my doctor put my on for my cholesterol a few years ago. It was high enough to need medication, but really had barely made the cut for needing meds to help lower it. There are plenty of foods I understand why I needed to cut back on, but now my mind reels at the fact that they put me on a flat 1200 cal diet. They told me to exercise too, and really, I understand now why I didn’t lose weight, I wasn’t eating enough. I was exercising 3-5 days a week back then, but the drastic change and the massive calorie restriction really screwed me up. Back then I was still smoking so I had that when I ran out of calories, and I did come to love tea, but wow. I’m appalled now they didn’t refer me to a nutritionist to help lower my daily intake and come up with diet changes that would work for me. Half of the things on the sheet they handed me I won’t eat, or couldn’t afford to eat. The other half, I already ate. Add that to not getting enough food [I remember being constantly hungry, and miserable back then.], it’s no wonder that in 6 months I only lost 30 lbs. I have mentioned before that my doctor really screwed me up by telling me I was on the verge of a stroke or heart attack as a scare tactic to get me to change my health.
/end rambling

Wow

Today's Weight: 206.9
 Difference: -1.7
Total Difference:  -4.3
---------------------------------------

I can't believe Saturday will be my last day of the Body Revolution. Even with the week delay, I can't believe it's over. Full review later, but part of me wonders if my fitness has improved at all O.o
I finally, after many delays, made it back to gym yoga with my MIL this past Sunday. My god that felt good. I was so sore the day after, it's amazing how out of yoga shape I had gotten. It's a tad awkward doing it with my MIL because she seems to give up very fast. I don't understand not holding on just a second longer... find out how long you can go, etc. But whatever, she likes to go with me so yay.
Time to get back to cleaning...

Musings

Today's Weight: 208.6
 Difference: -0.1
Total Difference:  -2.6
---------------------------------------


It's weird how I knew 3 months ago I would be exactly where I started when I reached the end.
I need to figure out what in my diet isn't working for me, because I know I'm doing good in the exercise department. It's also frustrating because I have 4 other stoach to deal with when it comes to feeding mine. Mom has gastric bypass restrictions [that she loves to ignore], Dad's body favors South Beach, the Fiancee only has to stop eating fast food for a month to drop 15 pounds, and the MiL is constantly changing what she will or wont eat.
I know I want to start eating more vegeatables again, they seemed to have slipped out of my diet. I don't eat tons like I used to and I miss it. Not that that ever seemed to help me lose weight.


At the end of my week 12 I will put up the progress photos I took, even though it won't be a transformation. I know I've failed and all I can do is try some more.
I don't know what to do for exercises after this, since my hope of being down a dress size or 2 for my fitting in August is dashed. I know I want it to be intense [great idea in the summer right?] But I think I want a small break before I do Body Revolution again. I want it planned now so I can just keep going, doing.  Because Body Revolution is wonderful. I may not be those awesome success stories I was desperately hoping to be,  but hell if I'm not stronger than I was.  I will whole heartedly recommend it to anyone who has the slightest interest.

WednesdayWeigh In is Back

and I forgot to post yesterday, so here it is a little late.

Today's Weight: 208.7
Difference: +0.2
Total Difference:  -2.5
---------------------------------------


Starting all over again sucks.
I still believe I chose the wrong month to step away from the scale,even if it was good to do so in general.  I'm also somewhat in shock that fast food can really make that much of a difference. I think I'm glad I like to cook. I'm starting to wonder if I should try making most of my carbs  come from veggies. I've been reading how this is a recommended thing for those with period issues.
Anywho, next week is the final 2 weeks of the Body Revolution. I feel fttter than when I began, even if I haven't lost gangs of weight and gained some back. There are some moves that are so much easier for me to complete than at the beginning.
I so want to do this all over again.

Previewing My Last 2 Weeks

It looks...scary fun. I know now I will be sweating hard. I can't believe I've gotten this far. Even if I haven't gotten far.  I hate having to fight for every single pound, what seems like harder than most people, but 6 weeks of less than perfect eating gains me 5-6 pounds. I was still exercising, active, just gah!
I so want to do phase 2 and 3 over again, but I don't know if I should do that later and keep to my 30DS intense I want to do. I hate feeling so indecisive.
Also, I may not be finished, but I definitely recommend Body Revolution.

Right now on Mondays/Thursdays disc I get to do 'Boat pose hold, hollow man hold, boat pose hold, hollow an hold, boat pose hold' and I can do it without needing to drop! I am so proud of myself.

Review of Phase 2

Phase 2

Workout 5:
Ease: 3.5/5
Length: 35 min
[My] Avg Cal: 290

Workout 6:
Ease:3/5
Length: 32 min
[My] Avg Cal:  263

Cardio 2
Ease: 3.5/5
Length: 31 min
[My] Avg Cal: 281.2

Workout 7:
Ease: 3/5
Length: 35 min
[My] Avg Cal: 248

Workout 8:
Ease: 3.5/5
Length: 34 min
[My] Avg Cal: 255


I enjoyed the first half more than the second half. They were all challenging and fun, but for some reason weeks 5&6 were more fun for me.
in general, it was challenging for the level I've previously been at without making me feel like i was completely out of my element.  I was sad to be done with it because there was some moves that were new and I wanted to master. Of course, there were some I hated. A note to those with limited space, there are certain moves in the last 2 weeks that needed at least 5 feet across and  4 feet wide [aprox]. It was not enough to just turn sideways in a narrow space.

No Weigh May Results

Beginning:
Weight: as of 4/25 203.2
Bust: 43
Underbust: 35.5
Waist: 40.5
Hips: 52.5
Upper Arms:  L- 16 R- 15
Thighs: L- 28 R- 27
Calves: L-16.5 R- 16.25
End:
Weight: as of 6/6  208.5
Bust: 42
Underbust: 35.5
Waist: 40.5
Hips: 52.5
Upper Arms:  L- 15.75 R- 14.75
Thighs: L- 28 R- 27
Calves: L-16 R- 16.25


So in the end, I may have triumphed by not stepping on the scale for 31 days, but in the end I needed it to keep me in check because I wasn’t aware of how much I was letting things slide. Of the 5 weeks I didn’t weigh, I exercised 4, needing to postpone a week’s worth of exercise for what felt like good reason. Still does. In those 5 weeks, I ate out more than I normally do, especially in the last 2 weeks, where I had fast food nearly every day. Most of those times I made healthy choices, as much as you can at fast food. A few times I indulged in naughtier foods because I still don’t believe in restricting foods.  In general, I feel it was the up-kick in fast food and alcohol consumption that contributed to the pound a week gain. [I’m going to check tomorrow, I had Chinese food last night and I don’t know how screwy it made my weight today.]
So I’m going to make it a point to kick ass in June and really buckle down.

I will post my review of Phase 2 in a little bit.

Sorry for my absence the last two weeks I was working alot and didn't have much time for blogging.

I don't know why, but this week, I having a hard timme getting my ass in gear to actually work out. I've just not been in the mood. I enjoy the workouts for these weeks, and most of the time after I'm happy I did it, but I'm just not feeling it this week.
But I am excited about dying my hair after today's workout.

Wow

I'm almost done with Phase 2! Where has the time gone?
I'm glad I have 2 1/2 months before my fitting. I may be able to lose some weight by then.

I have to say, being able to look at a scale and not have the compulsion to get on it is nice. I'm scared of next week. I know I haven't met my goals. I also know I'll be on my period, or just off of it, and therefore not have the most accurate . It's all my doing and I'm discouraged that my diet got that f'ed up. I still exercised and I really want to believe that counted for something. I keep wanting to keep up with the no weighing thing, but I feel I need it to be somewhat accountable. Not because the numbers mean much, just enough to remind me to keep it in line, you know?I need to look through my older entries, I know I had plans for what to do after BR but I can't remember. Right now I keep trying to figure out a schedule for doing 30DS double time, as in, 2 times a day for a month.
Hmmmm

Playing Catch up

So two weeks in a row I ended up working a full day on monday, and so did what I asked about last week:
I did Monday's on Tuesday, and doubled Tuesday's with Wednesday's.
And eek, I'm past the half way point of the program! It's so weird. I'm also past the idway point of the month/phase, how is time flying like this?
My No Weigh May thing is probably good for me, because I'm almost certain I've not lost weight this month, and I don't know that I will in the the next 15 days. Something to do with out exercising a bad diet, and mine is all over the place, for many reasons. Some of them are ok, most are just my idiocy.  On a somewhat positive side, I don't think I'm gaining. But I cant be sure fore 25 more days. I don't miss weighing in, but in the past two days I've kinda wanted to know since I'm bumming. Oh well

However, lately I've been feeling smaller to myself, which is not in keeping with my weekly pictures, but it still feels nice.

Question

So yesterday I ended up working a full day instead of a half like I normally do, and so missed the time I normally do that day's disc. Normally, I would do it when I got home, however, I was exhausted when I got home. I was exhausted because the first half of my day was spent doing lots of physical labor while in some humid heat. In fact, I never really cooled down yesterday, got cooler, but I felt hot all day long, and getting home to a house with no a/c on was not helpful.
So, my question, do I let yesterday slide, or do I do workout 5 today, and double up and do workout 6 and cardio tomorrow and be caught up?

I'm so confused.

I thought about combining today and yesterday, but I waiting for the mail to show up because I decided to order myself the resistance cable JM uses in the program because the one I have currently isn't working out.  The plain rubber keeps snagging on my skin. The one she uses is nice and braidy. Plus I like the handles better.  It occurred to me the day after I ordered it I could've borrowed the MIL's since she's putting off restarting the program. But I want one of my own. And according to the tracking it will be delivered today.  Since our mail shows up around 1, and I have other things to do today, I don't think I can practically fit in 2 today.

This no-weigh May thing is... peculiar. On the one hand, I'm loving the freedom from it's tyranny and remembering it's only one small indicator of how my health is going. On another hand, I feel like I'm in a free-fall and that in 23 days I will discover I have gained massive amounts of weight. I suddenly feel that none of my food choices are good for me. I realize this shows how reliant I was on the damn scale, because I know currently 85% of my choices are healthy. It's that 15% that scare the crap out of me and I'm fighting very hard not to let disordered eating habits to pop back up, but instead try to get a tad more diligent about my dietary habits. I also need to remember that there are going to be times where I don't get to be as healthful as I'd like to be, but it doesn't mean I've failed.

WWI, wait, what?

Hello all!
Something circulated yesterday on tumblr that resonated with me: No Weigh May.  So I'm going to. [I'm also doing this and this]
To quote myself:
GirlGrowingSmall has set up goals for herself for the No Weigh month, and I liked that and thought I should too.
I think the only times in the last couple of years that I stopped weighing myself was when I had stopped exercising, which won’t be the case here, so I’m scared of the outcome of this month. I’m really scared it will be like then, and I will gain big numbers. But I also need to get away from the scale and learn not to depend on it. So here goes.

Goal for the end of May: lose at least 7lbs, putting me nicely under 200lbs

NWM Reward: Something from Disneyland that I’ve been wanting for a while. - or- New and cute workout outfit


NWM Consequence for gaining, or losing 3 lbs or less: No spending money on myself for a month. This will be hard for me because when there is a good sale on fitness stuff or dvds, I like to buy. I rock sales.
It will also make it harder for me to buy a set of 12 lb dumbbells that I've been thinking of getting for Phase 3.

I realize my goals are similar to hers, but it seems we are in the same weight range right now so her numbers really reflect what I want.

Bonus Reward: For making it a month not getting on the scale, I will get myself 1 movie that I want.  Not getting on the scale will be a challenge alone.


Allons-y!

I also have a caveat to my not losing more than 3 lbs,  I will also be measuring again at the end of the month, and if I've made inches progress instead of lbs progress, I will not consider it part of the fail and consequences.

This means a more concentrated effort on being active during the week, with the exception of probably Tuesdays. Everyone needs a rest day. 
And holy cow, am I loving phase 2. Although, I haven't done the cardio yet today. Gulp. I know this phase's is longer than 25 minutes. I hope it doesn't have moves that make my HR spike like phase 1. I can't remember. That was over a week ago and I had a busy 4 days at work.

End of Phase 1

Well then. Has a month really gone by? My life has been so busy, I guess it has.
So, out of the 30 workouts of Phase 1, I missed 3.  I would say days, but since my weekends are scheduled the way they are, I do Saturday's workout late Friday afternoon instead. By Phase 3 I  should be able to do them on Saturdays again. While 1 of my workouts was missed because I had not yet realized I should move the one workout, the other 2 were frustratingly blocked. I worked last Friday, early enough not to be able to get up and do it beforehand [since I take the fiancee to work in order to have a car], and when we got home our niece and nephew had come to stay the night with Gramma. I had been ok with the idea of missing my last cardio, especially after my day Friday, but and the many circumstances that collided on Friday night to prevent me from exercising upset me.  I did stay very physically active all weekend so I don't feel horrible, just frustrated.

So here goes:
Phase 1

Workout 1:
Ease: 2/5
Length: 31 min
[My] Avg Cal: 240

Workout 2:
Ease:2.5-3/5
Length: 35 min
[My] Avg Cal:  273

Cardio 1
Ease: 3.5/5
Length: 25 min
[My] Avg Cal: 227

Workout 3:
Ease: 3.5/5
Length: 35 min
[My] Avg Cal: 290

Workout 4:
Ease: 3/5
Length: 33 min
[My] Avg Cal: 246

I really enjoyed phase 1. I felt the first 2 weeks were definitely beginner, and would say that those more experienced with working out should take the supplemental cardio option the first week, maybe even the second.  I promise you the first cardio dvd will not be child's play by the end of the phase.  Heck, I'm pretty sure that with the exception of supplementing the first 2 weeks, I could start this whole thing over again at the end. I won't though.
As far as weight loss goes. I did not lose mounds of weight. I didn't lose what I wanted. I'm not following the diet program because frankly, I only find those practical when you live alone. I live with 2 other people no matter which house I'm at.  And they control the spices... I mean, they do the food buying, as is their prerogative, and therefore, no altered diet. That's not to say I didn't make healthy choices. I also made bad ones. I also have a completely different eating schedule on the weekends that I believe is screwing with my system. I have been logging my fod and trying very hard to make good decisions, but I'll be the first to admit my crock pot picks for the end of the day on the weekends isn't 100% omghealthy. But when I know they are, I eat earlier in the day accordingly.  Sometimes, I make a few ingredient substitutions to 'lighten' it up. C'est la vie. I'm working hard and not giving up and it counts for something.

Crockpot Menus of late:
Broccoli Casserole
Creamy Beef over Noodles  [brown rice noodles are tasty]
Chicken and Brown Rice
Broccoli Beef

WWI and NSV

Today's Weight: 203.2
Difference: -1.0
Total Difference:  -8.1
-------------------------------

So I think I will consider it a non scale victory that the top of my arms have really changed.  You know how they say when you flex a muscle but can still pinch and pull you still have fat covering the muscle?  My biceps, or at least the top of them can't be pinched. It gives me pleasure to run my hands over my arms and feel hard muscle that I've earned,  not soft layers of fat. Granted, my triceps have layers of fat over them and I can't wait to shrink it down. 
Also, I'm down  a size in undies.  Yay.

I'm still annoyed and confused about net calories, deficit,  and all of that. Why is it I have to eat my exercise calories back but none of my other day's activities? I go shopping for 2 hours? thats walking, but that's not something you get to subtract. I do dishes and house work, nada...
blah. hate confusion.

Ranty

I'm just annoyed.  I'm annoyed that when it comes to bmr,  I apparently need to become active, clean all day.  It's not enough that I try to eat healthfully or that I exercise and I eat at a deficit from  my bmr.  Exercise doesn't seem to count with most websites designed to help you lose the weight. I exercise 6 days out of the week.  I clean/do house hold chores 2-3 days a week. My weekend job calls for me to do a fair bit of walking. But I still am not doing enough.  I guess since it's time to reclaim my back yard again, I will have a reason to be active to a good part of the day.  Also, I will be cleaning out  the front half of my parent's garage next week. Hopefully it has some positive impact. Grrr.  I hate feeling like a fool, because I really thought I was doing better, but it turns out I'm not losing weight like I thought I should for a very good reason.  Because also, it feels like  the idea that exercising raises your overall metabolism, and therefore, how much you're burning while resting, to be complete bullshit.

excuse my pity party.

Push up Power

So in work out 3 one is encouraged to do full on military press. My record is 5. :0 Terrible right? I should practice more. I was proud of that 5.
On Friday I previewed the first half of phase 2. I'm happy I have a week left of phase 1.  Phase 2  looks...tough.  Nothing I can't take and conquer, but boy howdy I'm glad it's a week off.
I'm noticing the switch to 7/8's in my workouts. Whenever she calls for  light weights and I go for the 5's, they see so bitty now. However, ti terrifies me the idea to do the 30DS with my 8's. Also, I have set my sights higher. When I graduate to a higher hand weight, I'm going for 12's. As long as I'll be paying out the butt, might as well make the weight difference worth it.
I had a crappy weekend. Not too much diet, mostly personal. I'm still mostly down. Exercising helps me feel better most of the time, but I' still dwelling.
Also, I'm visiting my childhood by re-watching Ocean Girl. Wow life was different 18 years ago.

I want a practical magic night with hot chocolate......

I Weerrrrk Ooooouut Pt 2

Today's Weight: 204.2
Difference: -3.0
Total Difference:  -7.1
-------------------------------

Said kitty taking over the fiancee's lap

My body is so sore! Weeks 3 & 4 are going to kick my ass in a good way. Yesterday I kinda 3/4-assed my way through the BoB disc, because 2/3 of the way through one of my cats decided she wanted attention and came and plopped herself in my workout space. When you're doing plank leg raises somehow petting a purring fluffy cat seems like a much better idea :P



So, it's weird these days. I have a ton a dietary rules, but some are ones I haven't mentioned to anyone else. Sometimes it's because I wouldn't think to share it, and sometimes it is because I don't want to seem like I'm pushing my feelings on others/being a bitch about it. Last week, [and really, most of the times I'm there these days], when visiting at a friend's place, she offered me juice. I declined, for 2 reasons. The first was that I was participating in a 'drink water for the rest of the week' challenge, and because 2, I don't believe in drinking juice as a beverage.  I didn't explain either one to her, because anytime I talk health makes her want to go be unhealthy, but also, I didn't need her telling me in one shape or another how stupid I was for not thinking it was healthy.  While my choices are never an attack on hers, she always feels they are and spends a lot of time defending hers and trying to show me how wrong I am. I'm really, most simply, a person who prefers to get the juice, and vitamins etc, from the fruit itself. Really, I like the taste of juice, but the sugar content, hidden additives and what have you just don't make it worth it to me. The only time I drink juice is when I have a UTI. It has worked well for me in helping me rid myself of it, but the rest of my body suffers. But, really, it's just my choice.
Of course, I'm a little sore at her since last week, when showing her the picture of Phase 1 Body Revolution, she asked if I ever got around to doing the 30DS.  I've already told her all about it, but she has a tendency to forget a lot of the things I tell her about my life. So I said yes, and she asked if I had lost any weight on it, to which I replied that I had, about 6 pounds when it came down to it, but I had gained some of it back, my weight had been funky lately. I want to point out my 30DS ended a month ago,  so at the time she was asking 3 weeks previously. When I finished my answer about my weight being funky, she nodded, smiled sadly and said, "Yeah, looks like it didn't do much for you, I'm sorry hun."  She gestured towards my belly to indicate lack of shrinkage, and said something to the effect of: right in here.
I've been dwelling on this for almost a week, going through differing phases of hurt and upset. At the time, I said nothing, because I have gained some back. I felt about 3 inches tall and like all my efforts aren't working. Later, when the fiancee picked me up for the weekend, I was livid. I was wearing loose clothing that day, something comfy for playing with the godson. I was livid that when I had finished the shred, I had looked different and at the time she told me I looked like I lost weight. But, the seed of feeling like crap had been planted and bloomed. Even though I'm upset that she has felt that once again brutal honesty is the only way to be a good friend, I'm also upset that I can't get past what she said.
It hasn't stopped me from eating well, from exercising. I'm loving phase 1 and love that I never do the FoB and BoB discs enough times to memorize, and then get bored with them.  I guess I'm confused. I don't understand how I can feel so much better about myself, have so many healthier attitudes, but have a couple of people [and a cold sore that got so huge I looked like I had a red Hitler mustache] say or treat me like this and I feel small.

I will stop rambling now. Have a good day everybody!

I werk ooooouuut

Guess who got herself a new pair of weights? 5's were becoming too easy in most exercises. although I was not thinking when I bought them about how I was about to start weeks 3&4 of phase 1 [which is in, oh, 20 minutes]. Bwahaha I'm so going to be cursing myself, I'm sure. I also have the secret hope that going between 7's at the MIL's place and 8's at home will add to the whole muscle confusion theory. Who knows?

This weekend was a great success of coming home after 12 hours work to a crock pot just finished cooking our dinner, thank goodness for plug timers.  Saturday night was Philly Cheese-steak Soup which doesn't sound healthy at all, but I put it into a recipe calculator and it wasn't bad.   Sunday night was a little more naught with Chicken Cordon Bleu, but only for the can of condensed soup added. That one I even went for the healthy version to appease my conscience.

Also, did alot better this weekend about food intake and not overdoing it. Go team me!

WWI blahs

Today's Weight: 207.2
Difference: +1.8
Total Difference:  -4.1
-------------------------------
 
I'm more than a little upset. I'm very frustrated that right now one or two miscalculations in a new situation has led to a huge gain. I'm still exercising damnit, I was trying to make the best choices and found out I was still wrong. Not to mention realizing that I've plateaued after  what, losing 2.5 lbs? Because really, that what this is, yo-yoing between the same damn few pounds. 
Excuse me while I go stew in my hole and try to figure out how to climb this mountain. Besides screaming obscenities at my body. and the people in my life who are verbally attacking my choices that are trying to avoid this outcome again




 Baked Chicken with Dijon and Lime
Whiskey Steak
Lentil Chili
Mexican Lentils and Rice

Non Scale Victory Thoughts

These prolly don't count. But I thought I'd share them

In 14 weeks, I spent 42 hours and 25 minutes of them exercising.  [I have no figures for when I started about 3 weeks prior to that because I wasn't writing anything down.]

Anytime I start to feel down about how little progress I feel I've made, I can remind myself that I didn't gain back all 50 lbs I lost before my knees crapped out. I made that 50lb progress, and that is something. Setbacks happen.

I don't feel guilty [98% of the time] for eating something that isn't part of the healthy ideal. I very often know if it's a choice of feeding my body when I have the chance, and going with something 2nd best for it, and trying to wait for the absolute best, that wait is going to do bad things to me.

I no longer feel like giving up when I'm frustrated. Believe me, I get frustrated from time to time because my body isn't doing what I think it should be doing. Those inspirationals are right. It takes time, and if I don't keep going it's never going to happen and then I'll be upset even more. 6 months are going to pass no matter what, what matters is how I spend those months.

That's all I've got for now

Scale Day

Today's Weight: 205.4
Difference: -1.6
Total Difference:  -5.9
-------------------------------

I had very mixed feelings about getting on the scale today. Part of me was excited that I got to weigh myself, part of me was annoyed that I was doing it since I'm trying not to rely on it too much, and part of me was just plain curious what number it would say. I was pleasantly surprised by what it said, I figured it would match last week's number since my weekend's eating was all over the place. I was physically active for most of Sunday, lifting heavy, up and down short flight of stairs, walking to a fro, but my lunch was from a pot luck, breakfast was from Carl's Jr, and dinner was In and Out [granted, I got my double-double protein style with no sauce and I didnt snack after] and Monday I managed to go over calories by indulging in a Carl's cookie after splitting a combo with the MIL. Those cookies have a shitload of calories, prolly why they taste so good.
But who knows, sometimes I wonder about counting calories. Some of my inspirations didn't lose weight by counting calories, but by eating healthily and when they were hungry, and Monday left me very hungry. [and yes, exercising, which I'm doing].  I tend to have days where I feel hungry at the end of the day even though I made good choices, because I'm limiting to calorie counts.
Those inspirational posters always say to go by more than the scale, look for the little things, but I don't think I really have any Non-Scale Victories so far.  I'm back into my 18W Gloria Vanderbilts again, I spose that counts.

I'm enjoying Body Revolution like I said, but I am only 3 days in. Let's see how I feel about it at the end of phase 1.  Secretly, I'm scared I'm still going to be in the same place in 3 months. In general, my determination to lose weight has helped me not be so uptight and depressed, but since I seem to make very slow progress I'm just scared. In general, yes, I know one day I will lose the weight as long as I keep trying, keep going with regular exercise and healthy eating. But I do have small goals, like maybe being 8-10 lbs lighter at the end of phase one. Not only that, but to see a bit of a difference at the end of phase one too, since I've decided to take weekly pictures to motivate me.
Saturdays for exercise are going to be very interesting, since I have very little time in the mornings. Personally, I guess I won't need to eat before exercising if I do it when I wake up since I'll be getting up earlier on the weekends. anywhos.

Here are some recipes that have gotten big thumbs up from my family[ies] recently:
Clean Eating Lemon Chicken Penne
Lemony Chicken with Artichoke Hearts
Cuban Pork
Garlic Asparagus with Lime

Body Revolution

And so it has begun! Yesterday was my first day, and I will definitely be supplementing my  first 2 weeks with extra plays of the cardio DVD and my kickboxing DVD. I did get sweaty, but when my highest HR was 161 and my average was down at 137 o_o which is about 15 under my normal average.  My only day to not double up will be Saturdays since by the time I will be getting home I'll be to exhausted and it wouldn't be good for me.
Right now I'm struggling with breaking the habit of weighing myself everyday. My fiancee asked that I stop and only do it once a week because he felt I was doing it too much. My attitudes towards weight-loss have changed in the last few months, and while watching the fluctuations every day was mostly fascinating, it did on occasion still get me down.  It feels weird, not knowing how I'm doing, especially after my somewhat crappy weekend.  Part of me argues, but it shouldn't matter, I need to keep eating right and exercising and come up with alternatives to my food problems on the weekends.
See you in a couple of days

Oh look, a week has gone by

Today's Weight: 207.0
Difference: +2.6
Total Difference:  -4.3
-------------------------------
I have no excuses about my gain. I spent a week and a half not being as careful as I should have been, and I suffered the consequences. Last week wasn't as bad but this weekend apparently was a bad combo of a couple of indulgent meals [one unplanned because I wasn't cooking] and a couple too many drinks. Back up I go.

I think I'm pmsing, I'm really grumpy today [nothing to do with my weight] and I just can't shake it. Hopefully after I exercise today I will feel better.
Brazzlefrat!

Meh with a dash of blargh

I think I want to bang my head on a brick wall.
Today, I took some personal, aka naked, progress pics. I had thought it would be a nice pick me up to see how my results had changed my body, up close and personal.  Except when I compared them to the ones I took 2 months ago... no difference. I was flabbergasted. Sure, the angles were a teensy, tiny bit off from each other, it's difficult to recreate the same shot perfectly. But as I flipped back and forth, back and forth, nothing. Since it seems my scale wasn't lying yesterday, the weights aren't all that different in the pics. I have come to the conclusion that the only reason there was difference in the pics is because the day 1 pics were taken right after I got back from Florida, bloated with salt, alcohol, and carbs. While my recorded starting weight was a tad high for the challenge, after it dipped back to my more normal weight, it shot up again, with what I assumed was water weight from building muscle, but now I can only conclude I was gaining weight.  a week and a half before my extended end date of the challenge, I had dropped down about 6 lbs, and I was ecstatic. I maintained it for about 3-4 days, then, I started gaining weight. Again, I assumed it was muscle water weight because I had added the kickboxing in. I have gained back 4 of the 6 lbs I dropped, and while I know my diet wasn't pristine in the last week and a half, 4 lbs in 2 weeks is really horrible.
Maybe I'm just whiny. My measurements didn't really improve since the beginning of the year. I was so excited about that, when I thought they had improved. But when I did measurements today, it seems I got them wrong last Saturday. My hips seem to measure differently each day of the week. blargh.



On a different note, doing Jillian's kickboxing and Bob's yoga in the same day will make you SORE the next day. it's been a while since my legs were this damn sore. Today is just kick boxing Because my muscles need some rest.

My vague thoughts for the next 3 weeks:

M: KB w-o 1
    30DS lvl 2
T: KB w-o 2
    30DS lvl 3
W: Yoga or TBT
      KB or 30DS [optional]
Th: KB w-o 1
      30DS lvl 3
F:  KB w-o 2
     30DS lvl 2
S: KB w-o 3


Since I'm busy on the weekend I'm not going to try to do a second workout because I will be too tired in the evenings.
------
ED

Another thought that has been on my mind, I wish I had a weight-loss buddy. Not someone to workout with, in general I don't care for working out with people. Yoga class at the gym is one thing, it reminds me of PE, at least what I had in grammar school where we lined up and all looked at the teacher. Tad less goofing off at the gym though. Anywho, the MIL is by no means a supportive person when it comes to our shared interest in weight loss, on the contrary she tends to big dick me when we discuss what we've been doing. I read plenty of blogs, but the non-tumblr blogs don't seem to be in the community mood, and that's their prerogative. I don't have the desire to create a second tumblr, and try to maintain one more weight-loss 'journal'. I'm sure I could get the support I crave if I did, and maybe I'll do it eventually if I still crave support. [myfitnesspal forums are not that active].
Don't know....

Wednesday Weigh- in cancelled today

Today my scale seems to be spazzing and refuses to give a consistent, or anywhere near accurate reading. 

In 3 more weeks I get to start Jillian's Body Revolution. I'm looking forward to it. I'm really loving my Kickboxing DVD though, and it's definitely something I can work on getting better at while waiting for my turn with Jillian's BR. Right now my heart rate is staying in the high 85% area while doing it, but it's been spiking to  90%.  From what I know, that's not the best, but I'm working on it :)

Challenge End! Results!

click to enlarge

Starting weight: 212.0

Waist 41.5

Hips 53.25

Bust 45

Underbust 36.5

Thigh L 29 R 28

Bicep L16.5 R 16

Ending weight 204.4

3/17/12

Waist 40.5

Hips 51.5

Bust 43.5

Underbust 35.5

Thigh L28 R27

Bicep L16  R15.25

I missed more than five days, but I feel I made up those by adding in the kickboxing workouts.

Level 1 is decent, good for getting your feet wet again. I don't like Level 2, it kills me. I never mastered it, but I found myself hating it every time I did it. I love Level 3, it's fun. Sadly, it doesn't keep my heart rate up as much as Level 2 because of all the floor work.  I love most of the moves in it though, and I shall continue doing both the levels until I've mastered them.

I failed utterly at doing all the advanced moves days 6-10, but I was able to start to add in a few reps of advanced, or some moves I could do the advanced, but I couldn't do the whole workout advanced.

I would recommend this to anyone, eve those with knee problems like me. Anything I knew would aggravate my knees, I did something alternate. I marched, I squat-and-punched, etc.

So as you can see I got tiny results, and it makes me happy. 

Foods

They say it's good to repeat meal throughout the week because it prevents over eating at mealtimes because the taste is familiar. I'm not sure how true it is, but I know for me, it's all about not having to think about what I should make. When I don't repeat meals, I end up taking way longer to eat because I can't figure out what to eat. Tends to be bad for the system.
I've been really enjoying my repeat meals recently, and thought I'd share.
Breakfast:
Savory Oatmeal - Spicy Cheese
Oatmeal made with 2% milk, mixed with string cheese and chipotle Tabasco sauce with pepper.

Lunch:
Tuna Dip Salad
Spring mix salad with tuna dip. Tuna dip is light tuna in water [drained], liquid smoke, chipotle hot sauce, sour cream, mayo, and pepper.

Normally I don't add the mayo, especially since it's on the no-no list for bringing down cholesterol, but this week I felt like a treat. I was using the extra 180 calories to reach my net calories for the day, which is proving difficult because of my tendency to panic when I hit 500 calories. It's beyond ridiculous, but it stems from when I first had to go on the 1200 cal diet a few years ago and worrying that going over the 1200 would mean I would get the heart attack or stroke my doctor threatened me with. Not to mention, I seemed to hit 500 by lunch.  Yes, they gave me a diet, but it was really big on fish, and I hate fish. Yes, I'm aware that tuna is fish, but salmon is nasty ad I refuse to eat it :D

anywhoos, I'm procrastinating packing and I need to.

Wednesday Weigh-in, Yadda

Today's Weight: 204.3
Difference: +0.8
Total Difference:  -6.9
--------------

Eh, the weight gain was mostly my fault this week. Whole new week to try again :)

Ok, so Jillian's kickboxing? Frickin awesome. I did Workout 1 yesterday as a second workout, and when I was done I was so pumped! Workout 1 focuses on upper body, and my shoulders are sore today. I love a good workout sore. Also, for the first time, it is a true 20 minute video. Not that I mind her other dvds where you have 20ish minutes of workout and 7ish minutes of warm up and cool down. But in 20 minutes  I burned 200 calories, and that was with taking breathers because my heart rate was soaring and because I would need a moment to watch the combos. I am not sorry at all that I got this dvd. Today as a second workout I will do Workout 2, which focuses on lower body.  I hope tomorrow night I can squeeze in 3, which is abs. I work on Friday so I'm not sure if I'll get to workout then.
This Saturday is the new end date of my 30Day Shred challenge. I'm excited. Even though it has been kind of disastrous, and I'm now adding in extra workouts [but hey I started after my original end date], 
 at least I didn't give up on it completely. I will write more about it sometime this weekend. Saturday night I will be going to a concert so it looks like Sunday for picks and summary.

:D Happy Hump day everyone!

Annnnd

yesterday was the original end date for my challenge. I still took pics. I will take more next week too.
I have just finished reviewing Jillian's new Kickboxing DVD and damn am I excited to start it. Looks like some awesome cardio, and I recognize some moves I'll be doing in her Body Revolution too, woo-hoo. I think it's a bit sad that I have enough Jillian DVDs to recognize some of her back up.
I like the Kickboxing DVD for the fact that it's in a group this time instead of just her 2 back ups. It's the same in the BR series, although that has both guys and girls, this DVD has just girls.
I have been contemplating mixing the kickboxing DVD with levels 2 and 3 of 30DS since those never became easy. Level 2 is still more challenging for me than 3.  I'm adapting to 3 better than I did 2. So until BR time, I think this will be my plan. Also, 1 day for yoga [cuz I miss it] and my Bob DVD. since I now have a part time job, the next 3 weeks will fly by. wonder what change it will bring? Can't wait.

Also, as of yesterday, I haven't had soda [other than a few accidental sips when grabbing the wrong cup] for 30 days, which was my goal, to not drink soda while on my challenge. I miss soda, but at the same time the thought of the taste of it in my mouth is gross go me. I want to allow myself the option of the occasional soda, but my challenge was extended, should the soda thing be too? I never did notice a health shift by giving it up. Well, ok, one thing, I have been getting sleepy more early in the evening. Even though my teas have caffeine in them, I think I'm still consuming less caffeine with them than all the soda I was drinking. Quandary.....