Its Hardly Working

But I'm going to keep working hard.. My bi polar is having a grand time with me too, doesn't help a bit, does it.
I'm looking into some blogs about Clean Eating, because well, I keep hearing about it, and, I love a good veggie recipe. I've also been inspired recently to plant some beans [and squash] in my front yard, though to the dismay of my mother, it wasn't in a small corner where nothing grows, but scattered along the top of it in order to help heal the soil. I love watching it grow.

One day.

Goal to Lose?: 64
Goal Time: 05/12

Some great-sounding recipes I can't wait to try out:
Brussels Sprouts Hash
Seasoned Brussels Sprouts
Broccoli Mushroom Quiche
Jambalaya
Many more at The Gracious Pantry

Palpitations

So guess what causes episodes of heart arrhythmia? add 50 or so ounces of coffee, add some strenuous physical labor, a warm day, and mix in a most of the day empty stomach... and you have me having tingling in my left hand, followed by the arrhythmia episode while driving and panicking [but trying to breath through it] that I was having a heart attack while driving in traffic on a major street with no way to safely get over [and later reflecting my emergency lights don't work anymore] I realized I wasn't having a heart attack only because there was no pain, just a pounding irregular heartbeat and the inability to breathe correctly for several minutes. I was worried I was instead stroking, and feeling more than guilty that I would be taking out the cars around me once I lost consciousness. I finally got ahold of my boyfriend who was driving in front of me, and I followed him home where he drove me back to my parents home since I was terrified to drive the 25 minutes after 2 episodes [the second happening after he asked me to follow him] of feeling like I was about to die or something close to it.

Once I ate and pumped some water into me [I started drinking powerade when I thought I might be heart-attack/stroking] I did better but it was not something I'd like to repeat.


working for 2 weeks in a physical job like I did was awesome, this past Monday after a fabulous 3-day weekend away with the wonderful boyfriend brought about a severe case of ennui as I wasn't waking up with him after 2 weeks of it and I had no job to look forward to. sucko. The repeating meals seemed to be a massive fail, did not seem to help me weight cause whatsoever, in fact I needed exlax a couple of times in 2 weeks because of it. hmph.
I really did enjoy the physical labor of my job, and will be looking into getting a factory/similar job because I really liked feeling like I was doing something. and for not doing anything but gaining for 2 weeks, I could feel my muscles being worked in ways they hadn't in a long time. That being said, I missed having my gym and gym time. I want a labor job too so I can start saving up for the next phase....gnomes!
er, no. For my weeding next year, the ring, the apartment, etc. oh, a car that isnt dying. but I wish i could spoil my love.
Eat right Kiddos or the Joker will make you smile!

I love graphs. I've always been a sucker for them, even if they show whacks things, for instance, my 'weight' loss. see how much that damn dot bounces?
Of course, some of it is the wonderful thing called my current weekends, working at the southern California renaissance pleasure faire, in which, even though I make good choices as often as possible, My body gets whacked out. I mean seriously i have and water and who knows what gain of about 6 lbs each weekend. I know they're not real numbers but it's annoying to see that after the persnickety scale has started budging downward it gets to tango back up after two days. meh. Oi with the poodles already.
I got to see my doctor this Monday, but f course, she told me to come back in a month when I'll have insurance again to diagnose my knees [since xrays will rape your pocketbook] and I think I'll wait til then to ask for an antidepressant again. I think I'll use this opportunity to research some of the newer ones to come out since I was on them regularly. I'm just hoping the cream for the ringworm will work. so tired of looking at it on my feet.
Its my birthday next Friday and somehow, I don't think I'll reach my goal of 189, which would have my back at my original 50 pound loss [well, ok, that would be 53.2 lbs, but dammit it was my lowest weight]. however If I can nudge back down to a 195 I will be satisfied with that, for it will be a 48.2 loss [which i will round down to 45 since it only make me happy to have the weird real numbers].

I've changed up my gym routine recently and I'm loving the burn I'm feeling. The very inspirational blog Thge Black Girl's Guide to Weight Loss reminded me of something I had forgotten when it came to my gym routine: it takes girls a lot longer, and a lot heavier weights, to look like a female Schwarzenegger when weight training. This being once again firmly rooted in my mind, I have been throwing myself at those weights. Oh alright, I just pick them up and do combo work with them, but either way I get strange looks from the skinny things at the gym. My fellow 'want-to-shed-a-few-inches' crowd don't notice or do similar things, but really, it' hilarious to see the skinny things watch me with disdain and horror as I *gasp* do leg presses and arm extensions at the same time while on a machine [followed by using a strictly arm machine for some moves that work arms and abs, whoo-hoo]
in a few weeks I will change to a new routine for a while to challenge my body. It was going to be in 2 weeks but I have a temporary job next week that has me staying with the bf so that I don't kill my car with the commute and being too far away from my gym to work out :( This is the only time I'm really sad my gym is not a chain, but since my job will be physically involved, I hope to make up for it.

Enough babbling, I have chores to do, a cd to buy, and a gym to sweat in before my evening of family time starts.

Some links about Health

10 Healthy Recipes Using Greek Yogurt
I'm a big fan a Greek yogurt. I love the way it tastes and always have [except when I was little and would accidentally eat my mother's tzatziki she would put in the Fage tubs, but then I thought it was Greek yogurt, not tzatziki]

50 Seemingly Healthy Foods that are Bad
:) Learning to read labels helps so much, but this list is useful

The Worst Drinks For your Body
Not just mixed drinks listed here folks

40 Tasty Snacks under 200 cals


Jillian Michael's 20 Minute Routine for Shape Magazine

More sometime later

Link to another wonderful post

For Colored Girls Who have Considered Eating Disorders

Arthritis

I'm hoping to borrow money from my parents to go to my doctor and have her check out my knees for osteoarthritis. It was suggested to me and afterward when thinking about it I noticed alot of similarities between what happened with my knees last year and when my mom's arthritis hit when I was in 2nd grade. It may be something else entirely but I would like to be able to treat it whatever it is. I miss being able to do squats without pain like my knees were about to sever, and being able to exercise freely and push myself instead of having to be careful of not irritating the pain in my knees.
I read from Dave Zinecko this week that protein should be 25% of your daily diet, so I'm going to spend the next few day looking at my normal food intake to see how my proteins measure up to the recommended proteins. Thank goodness for calorie counter programs that break it down for you :P
Im going to go shower, and then spend the day helping my bf unpack at the new place.

Nothing exciting or new

to report.... no Change. No firming up, no weight loss. With the RennFaire here, it seem nigh impossible, although I'm not tempted to go get the turkey legs and eat the whole thing. The idea actually makes me a little ill, seems like a lot of food for one sitting. While the chocolate strawberries do sound good, I spend my day wrangling children and rarely get the time to go use the facilities much less walk the food court for scrumptious strawberries or the few other tasty morsels hidden there.
There is lunch with my guild, my father at the helm for cooking, and for my 12 hr days there my lunch should consist mainly of vegetables, but funny, when sharing a platter with a table, others actually eat their veggies too. Who knew so many mothers had wooden spoons and stories about children in Africa?
I'm feeling particularly out of time these days, not being able to do the many things I had been able to a few months ago, and depression is in full swing. I can't afford the 150$ trip to my doctor to get her to prescribe antidepressants again, since that office hasn't done it in years. I'm not looking forward to the day when I need a new inhaler either.
I'm thinking my abuse of antihistamines last summer is coming back to haunt my weight loss efforts, but I'm at a loss as how to fix this, but to continue attempting to stick to my diet [my depression isnt helping] and continue exercising.

I reviewed my calorie goals over at livestrong.com, and while in essence i need to eat more every day, I actually input my activity level incorrectly. It seems to vary, from calculator to calculator, what the definition of light activity is, normally i seem to qualify for it but upon closer look to the site's definition, I don't come close to it. So I have modified it, and my new calorie goal reflect numbers I'm much more comfortable with.
I now feel like like if someone had drawn a caricature of my [unknowingly over] consumption of calories in the past month or so I would be a happily noshing down Chinese cartoon they use to illustrate good food, happy yummy, tasty.... mmm I can taste the Mongolian barbecue I had on Saturday night. Chock full of veggies and spice. I know, I know, it would be faster to attach a gas pump of salt straight into my arm, but I'll happily lie to myself about water gain the next morning for that garlicky, spicy, cabbagy heaven once in a while. Shrimp, meanwhile, is still disgusting.
I think if I was drawn as a happy stuffing her face chinese person I would be cute.

Ever feel like you've missed your opportunity?
I do. with my weight loss that is.I started this back in, what, November? *checks* yes, November, by then I had been exercising for a few week again and well. in 4 months I've made no progress even though this time around I know what I'm doing.
Quite honestly my life is worlds different than the first time. I have a boyfriend now, the 'friends' who causes me stress has gone from a major depression where she ignores everyone to bim-bam-boom let get my life on track and while its great to see her having goals.... I am her stepping stool to do them. I realized I've put my life on hold for her and in my lovely pms time it just feels like I've screwed myself and it's too late to do anything. My friends imposing on my time, and then later asking if its alright has been a high stress factor, for the first time ever I've had an issue walking away from booz for my health.
I'm trying to make positive changes in my life, but boy howdy, I'm feeling defeated.

Waves

Hi! long time no post. Been very busy and stressed lately. People deciding to take over my life tends to do that. Still not loosing weight :( but not gaining too much either...
MAybe, one day, if I'm good enough.