Monday, January 30, 2012

Smoke signals

It's funny, but I quit smoking by accident. As much as I have been into getting healthier, quitting wasn't something I was concerned with. Whole that seems the ultimate in backwards, but I have never been physically dependent.
I had 'quit' once before, at the height of my initial fitness kick when I found out about my cholesterol. Being around the smokers in my life around that time made me ill. Couldn't stand it, really, and I have always loved the smell. My grandmother smoked, I'm sure that's why. (but then, she didn't smoke weed and I like its smell. Don't look at me like that, my high school years were at public school) I don't remember when I started smoking regularly, just that I was a bit seasoned by the time I could legally purchase them. I may have smoked steadily for a few years, but it wasn't addiction. It was habit. A habit in the car, around those who smoked, but I often went days without one, without thinking about it. You see, my mother hates smoking. It contributed to my grandmothers death. At my home, I had to smoke on the front porch, though I think it qualifies as a stoop it's small, and before the backyard reclamation, the only place to go to smoke if I wanted one while at home. I found this too inconvenient, and my mother complained loudly anytime she came home and the porch smelled of smoke.
I eventually went back to smoking because of my knees and lack of exercise. Not to mention, I was often in two other households that smoked indoors (at the time) and the habit was already there.
Zoom to late spring-early summer of '11, where one household has moved to a permanent place of residence, and the fiancées mother forbade smoking inside. I think somewhere in there, I started smoking less. I didn't notice until August that I wasn't smoking anymore. When I did, I tried to start again, but weirdly, it hurt. I made a few attempts to start again, and each time it was like my lungs had never seen smoke. It hurt. I was quite miffed at this, because even though my body rejected it, certain actions that usually called for a cigarette made me long for one. In all this time, I cannot rid myself of the need to smoke whole doing certain things or being in certain places
Even after my nose became sensitive to smoke and I couldn't stand the smell of my fiancée after he smoked, or how going to my friends house which reeks of cigarettes now gives me headaches to be in for long, I still do something and think,'I need a smoke. '
The fiancée has quit, but only because it's an expensive habit. We are saving for many things right now, and he decided to quit. His quitting phase was hard, since I craved them being around his need for them.
I hope, one day , this is gone. Its very annoying.

No comments:

Post a Comment